Posted by: Ci | 2010-01-07


Last year has been a very painful year for me and my 2 gals since we had to leave our own atmosphere to persue a peaceful life. I have ended a marriage of 14 yrs - which was the most hardest thing to do since i was so convinced that one day ex will wake up and he never did. All started just the beginning of the marraige where by ex was taken to maintanance court by one of previous galfriends and paternity test proved that he is not the father which was a relief at the time but i never let go of the fact that he betrayed me sexual, oh yes i supported him but inside i was very angry and humiliated and started withdrawing from my own me, he then saw another opportunity to have another affair while i was still trying to come to terms, since then our life was never the same but we moved on that so much i hoped things will change for better but never instead he started feeling insecure and begin with physical abuse when my eldest was just 7mnths till 2008, when i have discovered from 2006 that he is back with extra marital affairs and so many lies to protect himself.

In 2009 Jan i saw no need to continue with the marraige and filed for divorce, he never wanted to be cooperative with it till my lawyer decided to end it without him in High Court then me &  2 gals moved out of the house in June, till this he nver maintain the kids let alone to sell the house or willing to split our 50% assets since we were married in COP, he just dont want to do anything not even to take responsibility of his children, he comes to see them after a shouting from me on telecon other than that he will be quite as if he doesn'  t exist and i do understand he is upset with me for divorcing him but what did the gals do? Why hurting and neglecting the poor kids who has already being badly affected by the physical abuse and so is the divorce. In a way he hates me and cannot stand anything to do with me but unfortunately the gals aren'  t mine alone, we share them.

How do ideal with this one, it is a pain to see my gals hurt or not being cared for by their father. Why is he doing this why on kids.......i know i cannot force him anything now but is the way to talk to him regards our two gals, they are now suffering my pain and i'  m now leaving with a huge regret to see my children suffering the consequence of my actions. Im also deeply hurt but i'  m trying to be strong and take good care of the kids.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

A divorce, when there are children involved, can be very traumatic for them.
Unfortunately you cannot force someone to be responsible. You can engage on a legal procedure to get maintenance for your children but no amount of court orders will make a parent become emotionally responsible for their children if they do not want to.
The best is to accept this and move on with your children. Accept that his issues have crippled him to be able to take care of his children and allow for your healing to take place. It is sad for any child to loose a parent, but all they need is one stable, loving and responsible adult in their life to find their happiness and stability.
You did the right thing to end such an abusive relationship and you cannot wait for someone else to change. You deserve to be happy and freeing yourself from this abuse is the first step towards claiming your right to be happy. Trust your decision and move forward towards a new life.

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