Posted by: Confused | 2009-08-22

Divorce or not?

I have come to realise that I am unhappy in my marriage. All discussions &  conversations with my partner seems to be useless as nothing changes. I have 2 kids. There are times when I feel that being single again would make me happier. I want to sacrifice my happiness for my kids, but then again I ask myself is the fighting &  arguing with my partner healthy for them? If both partners have to fight for custody, who will get custody of both kids? We both not willing to let go of the kids. I also do not want my kids to suffer emotionally because of my decision. I am highly confused - I don' t know what to do. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear Confused,

thank you for writing to SADSA and for your concern for your children.
It is true that when we have children and our relationship with the other parent is no longer what we wish to be, we find ourselves in a conflicting situation.
Sacrificing your happiness for your children is not going to serve them and fighting over them is not going to be the solution either. It takes maturity and responsibility to deal with a break up when children are involved. It is not per se a Divorce which damages children but the ongoing fighting and unhealthy relationship between their parents.
SADSA supports a child-centered divorce approach where both parents decide to understand that their divorce is NOT their children's divorce.
It is important to remind yourselves that you both want what is best for your children and keep your "disagreement" outside of your children's lives. Your children have a right to have both their parents in their live and to love and be loved by both parents.
SADSA offers pre-divorce coaching to help you manage the transition and get a good perspective on your children's needs.

To help with the confusion, you first need to connect with YOUR needs. You too deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy! When you are faced with not knowing what is right, think of the various options you have and focus on what feels right.
You know best what you need.

Love and Gratitude


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Linda | 2009-11-02

I have a jealous husband who never appreciates anything I did.I earn more than him,but I ' ve never show that .We fight a lot infront of kids and sometimes I end up calling police.He runs to alchohol when we did n' t agreed on something.If i did n' t have sex with him he will fight meand tell every one in the house that he does get anything in our bedroom.He has a valgour langauge.
please help me .He was arrested for this violence and the court promised to send him to Nicro.I ' m still waiting ' cos he will only attend those classes only next year January.He accuses me of having affair always when he is drunk.Then the trouble will start,but if you confront him the next day he will say he does not remember.Please help me and my kids.
Thanking you inadvance.


Reply to Linda
Posted by: gobakwemang | 2009-09-15

i have the same problem as above. the thing is we' ve been married for 9 months but he doesn' t sleep home, even bit me once and i' m 90% unhappy. he drinks all his money as he gets paid every thursday. he doesn'  have time for my kids so i' ve decided that i' m getting a divorce since my kids happiness comes first and mine. so sister you should stand up for yourself and your self and make you and only happy first before you make someone happy. my husband is never happy, he complains to anything i do or say and i told myself that i' m not going that route of being sick because of someone else besides my kids.

Reply to gobakwemang

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