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Question
Posted by: charne | 2010/01/21

divorce? feeling so trapped

my husband has not been working for 3 years now - he has made good investments, so financially we are ok. I run my own consultancy service and are very succesful , although i do work very hard, long hours and travel a lot. he normally takes care of the kids then, and he will help with cooking at home. Since he is not working anymore, he has become very depressed, is on medication at the moment, but he can' t seem to pull himself together to start doing something with his life - he is only 40! He has become increasingly possesive of me -he almost smothers me with love and attention and gets annoyed if i don' t do the same - i just don' t have time and energy to do it! i have lost all romantic feelings and respect for him, and am only staying for the kids - what should i do?????? sometimes i think if i leave him i might actually do him a favour for he will be forced to start doing something with his life and not just wasting time!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're very lucky to be financially OK in times like this with him out of work. But for most of us, part of our definition of ourselves is our work, and perhaps even more so in men, not working can be very depressing, even without financial worries, and often makes the guy think less of himself. And that would be far more effectively dealt with by counselling of the CBT ( COgnitive-Behaviour Therapy ) type than by medications as such.
And that would be better than leaving him and trying to pretend it'd be an effective form of shock therapy. Once he can get a grip on the depression with the CBT, you may find the situation far more satisfying, and some marriage counselling sessions could then help a good deal, too

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Our users say:
Posted by: charne | 2010/01/21

thanks....will look into cbt therapists - so you think once he' s doing better everythign will fall into place? i.e i' ll start loving him again?

Reply to charne
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/21

You're very lucky to be financially OK in times like this with him out of work. But for most of us, part of our definition of ourselves is our work, and perhaps even more so in men, not working can be very depressing, even without financial worries, and often makes the guy think less of himself. And that would be far more effectively dealt with by counselling of the CBT ( COgnitive-Behaviour Therapy ) type than by medications as such.
And that would be better than leaving him and trying to pretend it'd be an effective form of shock therapy. Once he can get a grip on the depression with the CBT, you may find the situation far more satisfying, and some marriage counselling sessions could then help a good deal, too

Reply to cybershrink

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