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Question
Posted by: helpless | 2011-07-05

divorce distroying me

Hi doc I recently got divorced. I still loved my ex but could not do anything if he had found somebody else. I am not coping at all counselling and psychiatric help is not helping neither is medication. My mind is constantly fixed on me thinking about my dovorce. I have fear that nothing will ever go right in my life again since I''ve had thousands of downfalls and the divorce being the cherry on top. My blood pressure is constantly high. I''ve developed ulcers as results of stress. I have lost concentration and panic all the time. Please say something to make me believe in life again.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So the divorce was not your fault, and this would of course have been deeply upsetting to you. Medication is highly unlikely yo help, unless a real p[roperly diagnosed depression has arisen on top of your existing and understandable distress. Counselling should be able to help, but would need your fullest co-operation. Sometimes to a significant extent one may not WANT to "get over" such a separation, not want to accept that it has happened and won't be reversible, and one clings on to the hurt and sadness, as though that is all one has left, as though holding on to the hurt will in some way keep the door open to retrieving that happiness you once had. Letting a counsellor help you to let go of this, will , rather, free you to find new and truer relationship with someone far more worthy of your love.
It sounds as though specifically CBT ) Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) is the style of counselling you need, to change the habits of negative thinking you seem to have accumulated over the years, and the re-enacted expectation of faiulure and grief. You can get through this and find far happier times ahead, but it requires even more bravery and boldness on your part, to let go of the bonds of bitterness arising from how madly you were treated before, and opening yourself up to better times

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: ANON | 2011-07-11

Please read my post 619, and see if there is any simelarity in the relationship. Most comments said I should divorce. The only reason I haven''t divorced is because my wife is also a person who sounds like your character, " being over sensitive and taking everything personally."  for over 2 months me and the love of my life decided to break contact with each other and try to sort out our maraiges. My wife also says she loves me, and has not changed at all. I still iron my own shirt, I am still my own sex partner, ect. .... even though I am the one that works from 07h00 to 17h00. My freinds husband is also still the arsehole was before. BUT NOW THEY ARE HAPPY AND WE JUST HAVE TO STICK BY THEM. Don''t take it personally, there is a partener out there for you.

Reply to ANON
Posted by: Woman | 2011-07-05

I can just offer you this consolation - you are in for a tough time, but this too shall pass. One day you will feel better, one day you will love yourself again. One day you will enjoy your life again. This will pass, and you will be a better and stronger woman for it.

Your ex-husband, on the other hand, will keep doing the same things, and he will be exactly the same and he will not understand why he''s all alone when one day he is old and alone.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-07-05

So the divorce was not your fault, and this would of course have been deeply upsetting to you. Medication is highly unlikely yo help, unless a real p[roperly diagnosed depression has arisen on top of your existing and understandable distress. Counselling should be able to help, but would need your fullest co-operation. Sometimes to a significant extent one may not WANT to "get over" such a separation, not want to accept that it has happened and won't be reversible, and one clings on to the hurt and sadness, as though that is all one has left, as though holding on to the hurt will in some way keep the door open to retrieving that happiness you once had. Letting a counsellor help you to let go of this, will , rather, free you to find new and truer relationship with someone far more worthy of your love.
It sounds as though specifically CBT ) Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) is the style of counselling you need, to change the habits of negative thinking you seem to have accumulated over the years, and the re-enacted expectation of faiulure and grief. You can get through this and find far happier times ahead, but it requires even more bravery and boldness on your part, to let go of the bonds of bitterness arising from how madly you were treated before, and opening yourself up to better times

Reply to cybershrink

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