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Question
Posted by: MUM | 2009/10/20

DIVORCE &  SON

My husband &  I are going through a divorce afer more than 20yrs of marriage. He has accused me of having an affair but in the interim it is him who is havin the affair (this is not the first). We have a 19+ yr girl and 14+ boy. Boy has been doing very poorly in school this year. Had educational assessment done. Awaiting written report. But Psycologist has pointed out he has low self esteem and sadness within him. I have explained to him that the divorce is a reality so that he can accept the situation. How can I boost his self esteem so that he feels confident to work harder at school and how to I help with the sadness. It hurts greatly to hear about his sadness.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

The impact of a divorce affects everyone in the family. Although some aspects are issues that only the couple involved can deal with the children are inevitably caught in the middle. Divorce proceedings I'm sure you know can be long and drawn out and it is during this that the children can feel very trapped and powerless.

You are right to be honest with your son about what is happening, and it is also important that within this you and his father are neutral about the other when speaking to the children, as there are times when a lot of negative things are said to the children about the other parent. What is often useful is a neutral space where your son could speak about what is happening for him. I would therefore recommend that he either continue to see his psychologist for therapy, or another psychologist if the current one only does assessments.

How he does at school is inextricably linked to his overall emotional well-being.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Teen expert | 2009/10/20

The impact of a divorce affects everyone in the family. Although some aspects are issues that only the couple involved can deal with the children are inevitably caught in the middle. Divorce proceedings I'm sure you know can be long and drawn out and it is during this that the children can feel very trapped and powerless.

You are right to be honest with your son about what is happening, and it is also important that within this you and his father are neutral about the other when speaking to the children, as there are times when a lot of negative things are said to the children about the other parent. What is often useful is a neutral space where your son could speak about what is happening for him. I would therefore recommend that he either continue to see his psychologist for therapy, or another psychologist if the current one only does assessments.

How he does at school is inextricably linked to his overall emotional well-being.

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