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Question
Posted by: Joy | 2012/05/24

Divorce &  prison

I divorced my husband after many years of marriage,(and issues). He later ended up in prison, there for 9 months now  he is now appealing his conviction and sentencing, (notice of condonation, and a leave to appeal). The woman who accused him of theft, handed him the keys to the vehicle, then later said that he stole the vehicle  I am helping him get his docs to and from the courts, and am helping him get legal aid representation. My sister says that I am behaving like an abused woman. I explained that he deserves a fair hearing, and that our child needs his father out of there. His family has rejected him, no one else visits, and my sister feels that he is no longer my issue, i did enough for him when we were married, and that he is not an honourable person.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe it depends on what the issues were that ended your marriage, but assuming these did not include severe abuse, many civilized people find a marriage unendurable and yet end it amicably and still feel able to support each other and help each other in emergencies. YOur behaviour sounds friendly and sensible, and for the ultimate benefit of yourself and your child. And in the end, a Court will decide his fate, not you - you're just helping that process take place properly. Your sister sounds rather too invested in this matter, which, so long as it is not damaging you, is really none of her business.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2012/05/24

You''re acting in the best interests of your child. Take pride in that. Many divorced parents act in their own best interests instead. Just because you''re a compassionate woman, does not mean that you''re acting the victim. Now if you were actually paying for his legal fees privately instead of helping him get legal aid - then I could say that he might be using you. But otherwise? Even if he''s less than honorable, it doesn''t sound like he''s doing anything dishonorable right now.

Sometimes when people try the tough love approach to people who can''t seem to get their act straight, they not only stop financial support, they stop emotional support too. This isn''t the right way to get someone to shape up. I agree with not helping out financially, but the emotional support is very important to help their recovery. It sounds like you''re doing exactly the right thing.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/24

Maybe it depends on what the issues were that ended your marriage, but assuming these did not include severe abuse, many civilized people find a marriage unendurable and yet end it amicably and still feel able to support each other and help each other in emergencies. YOur behaviour sounds friendly and sensible, and for the ultimate benefit of yourself and your child. And in the end, a Court will decide his fate, not you - you're just helping that process take place properly. Your sister sounds rather too invested in this matter, which, so long as it is not damaging you, is really none of her business.

Reply to cybershrink

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