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Question
Posted by: Esther | 2012/09/26

divorce

hi im a black lady aged 34 and have been married for the past 14 years. i got married when i was 18 and i was naive and confused. i have two kids with my hubby and my hubby has since moved to the middle east for employment. he works there permanently.things started to fall apart since 2009. i have never spent time with him since then.i live with the kids in the house we bought in 2005.he comes once a for a week just to check on the kids and then leaves. he has another child in SA with another woman whom he got while we were still married.when he calls he only talk to the kids and not me. he will never call me on my cellphone. he will send me an email accusing me of this and that. he has changed to islam. i dont know what to do.i want to divorce him cause i have lost trust in him etc.i dont know where he works where he lives.my family is supporting me but i want a divorce.i have a permanent job.i tried to kill myself in 2010 but couldnt succeed and went for counselling etc.the last time he was here was last year december for a week and we were sleeping in different rooms cause his new religion wont allow him to be next to me. i suspect he is seeing someone where ever he lives and lives with this person. im so confused.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It's hardly a marriage, is it ? Would it not have been possible for him to bring you and the children to live with him, if he has decided to remain permanently in the Middle East ? If he is hardly ever here, how can he acuse you of anything at all ?
You need legal advice about the problem of how to divorce an absent man, and the laws here and wherever he is will be relevant. Its surprising he never told you where he atually works that's both rude and sinister. You'd need the advice of a sincere Islamic Imam, but I don't know of how his religion would forbid him from sleeping with someone he's married to. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't allow him to stay with anyone else he wasn't married to. Are we sure he hasn't also married someone else over there ?
You may need the legal advice, too, on the issue o keeping your children with you, as I understand that its not uncommon for men from some such countries to take their children with them "on holiday" and just refuse to return them.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Mia | 2012/09/26

Hi Esther

It is no use holding onto something that has come to a stand still (your marriage). I think you know what to do, it just feels confusing and exhausting to act on your decision. But rather free yourself instead of holding on and hoping that someday he will come around or that your marriage will eventually be revived somehow. Cause it won''t. The most important thing in life is to be happy. And that is something you should teach your children too.

All the best to you and your Two kids

Reply to Mia
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/26

It's hardly a marriage, is it ? Would it not have been possible for him to bring you and the children to live with him, if he has decided to remain permanently in the Middle East ? If he is hardly ever here, how can he acuse you of anything at all ?
You need legal advice about the problem of how to divorce an absent man, and the laws here and wherever he is will be relevant. Its surprising he never told you where he atually works that's both rude and sinister. You'd need the advice of a sincere Islamic Imam, but I don't know of how his religion would forbid him from sleeping with someone he's married to. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't allow him to stay with anyone else he wasn't married to. Are we sure he hasn't also married someone else over there ?
You may need the legal advice, too, on the issue o keeping your children with you, as I understand that its not uncommon for men from some such countries to take their children with them "on holiday" and just refuse to return them.

Reply to cybershrink

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