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Question
Posted by: Lindi | 2012-04-17

DIVORCE

I have just received an email from my husband asking for a divorce. I am more that prepared to go through with it, but I know he is going to make this divorce as ugly as he possibly can. My one and only concern is my 13 year old son. I know for a fact that he will not want to stay with me, but with his father. I will not force him to do anything he does not want to do. I must go home tonight and face my husband''s accusations and try to discuss the matter like two adults. I have been in contact with a male friend who lives abroad. We text and call each other on a daily basis and my husband has now found out. I am not going to deny having contact with this man, but my husband is accusing me of things I have not done (sleeping with someone who lives 9 time zones away!!!!) which is obviously impossible. He snoops around on my cellphone and my computer at home, tells me exactly which websites I visited and when. He has become obsessed with trying to catch me out doing something wrong. He, however, keeps his cellphone at his side night and day, even taking it to the bathroom with him. If his phone rings when we are together, he will turn away from me or turn the cellphone so that I cannot see who is calling him, yet I do not accuse him of any wrongdoing! I have had enough of my husband and my marriage and it has nothing to do with my friendship with this man who lives abroad or anyone else for that matter. I just want to get through this divorce as amicably as possible, but I know there is one nasty fight ahead of me!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its unfortunate and still bizarre for anyone to demand a divorce by e-mail - it suggests he didn't feel man enough to discuss this with you face to face. Secretly keeping such close communication with a male friend abroad is hardly surprising, though, as a cause for severe suspicions on your husband's part. But his own behaviour regarding his cell-phone also suggests he too may be involved inappropriately with someone else, and may be over-reacting to your own friendship to cover up his own activities.
Marriage counselling should have been an option, but it sounds, unfortunately as though you have both moved towards ruling this out, even though it could be helpful

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Lindi | 2012-04-17

I am in the fortunate position that I work for attorneys, so that is not a problem at this stage. The only concern I have is my child .... nothing else!

Reply to Lindi
Posted by: Liza | 2012-04-17

The only way to have a hassle free divorce is to use a good lawyer. Then if he wants to fight over things, he can take it up with his own lawyer, who will take things up with your lawyer.

Just remember that the most expensive lawyer is not always the best lawyer. Some lawyers are horrendously expensive simply because they''re so popular that they''re trying to reduce their workloads by charging more. This results in them taking shortcuts and not giving you their full attention. Most lawyers will give you a free first consultation, so shop around and find someone you can really trust.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Lindi | 2012-04-17

I will not do anything to hurt my child and it''s not in my nature to use my child as a weapon for whatever reason. I will leave the dirty games to my husband, he does it so well!

Reply to Lindi
Posted by: XXX | 2012-04-17

Can you blame your husband for being jealous,you have openly admitted that you are chatting to another male.If you had told your husband you are chatting to this other guy and did not keep it a secret ,then things might be different.
It seems to me that both of you need to work very hard on this relationship if you want it to succeed.
Whatever happens,pls don''t get your son involved and don''t use him as a tool/weapon.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-04-17

Its unfortunate and still bizarre for anyone to demand a divorce by e-mail - it suggests he didn't feel man enough to discuss this with you face to face. Secretly keeping such close communication with a male friend abroad is hardly surprising, though, as a cause for severe suspicions on your husband's part. But his own behaviour regarding his cell-phone also suggests he too may be involved inappropriately with someone else, and may be over-reacting to your own friendship to cover up his own activities.
Marriage counselling should have been an option, but it sounds, unfortunately as though you have both moved towards ruling this out, even though it could be helpful

Reply to cybershrink

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