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Question
Posted by: CANDICE | 2011/06/24

DIVORCE

Hi Doc
im involved with a married man, his wife left for another man and the interim the new guy has dumped her we have become very close and he has urged to file for the divorce, she suspects he has a girlfriend and has now told him he or his family cannot pick up his two kids from school she has been sending him nasty messages and clearly wants him back , he said he wont take her back because of her infidelities im afraid if i pursue this relationship he might go back or even worse the wife will come after me...
Please advice

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why did you choose to become "involved" with a married man ( especially as you already know he is entirely content to cheat on his partner, even if she has been provocatively getting herself involved with someone else and cheating on him ) ? And why did you choose to remain "involved" with him ?
She is not entitled to limit or forbid him any sort of normal access to his children, especally if she has chosen to leave him for another man. The husband should consider taking her to court for divorce, and let the judge decide on custody and access - and if this happens, the fact that he is also involved with someone else will not help him get the access or custody he wants.
I don't see how your involvement could be at all helpful to him. He should if necessary discuss his situation with a lawyer, and with a counsellor, and work out what is best for him. After the divorce, and after he has emotionally settled, he may be able to have a sincere lreationship with someone else, like you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: candice | 2011/06/27

thanks everyone for all your advice it definately is something to think about and you are all right in saying walk away, it will hurt but im sure the hurt will be less now then later on.

Reply to candice
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/25

Why did you choose to become "involved" with a married man ( especially as you already know he is entirely content to cheat on his partner, even if she has been provocatively getting herself involved with someone else and cheating on him ) ? And why did you choose to remain "involved" with him ?
She is not entitled to limit or forbid him any sort of normal access to his children, especally if she has chosen to leave him for another man. The husband should consider taking her to court for divorce, and let the judge decide on custody and access - and if this happens, the fact that he is also involved with someone else will not help him get the access or custody he wants.
I don't see how your involvement could be at all helpful to him. He should if necessary discuss his situation with a lawyer, and with a counsellor, and work out what is best for him. After the divorce, and after he has emotionally settled, he may be able to have a sincere lreationship with someone else, like you.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Romany | 2011/06/24

Yes, the wife will win. They are " even"  now.... they both had flings with other people while married. Her " infidelities "  is irrelevant as he too has " infidelities " .... you and maybe even more? If you can have an affair with one while married, hey why mot more?
So, I agree with " Just Saying" ,,, walk away from this now and save yourself from what is coming
Maybe after the divorce....if there is going to be one which is doubtfull

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Maria | 2011/06/24

I agree with Just Saying. In addition though, your bf has as much right to his kids as their mother has. Unless she has a court order against him, there is no reason legally why he cannot pick up his children from school.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Just Saying! | 2011/06/24

Run Candice Run, In these type of situations the wife always wins, they are not divorced yet by far and tell your partner you guys can see each other , when the divorce are final,And technically , you are also a third party because they are not divoce yet....
Think long and hard , do you really want to stress the whole time about the sitaution. Walk out now before you get hurt to much.
There is plenty of unattached guys that is not married and dont have bagage.
If your partner cant see his kids he will go back eventually and his estranged wife knows this.

Reply to Just Saying!

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