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Question
Posted by: M | 2010/01/07

Divorce

Is there any real hope for everyone in a divorce situation? Is anyone really better off, or do you just carry on with something that is not making either partner happy? Or is there more to it? Does it matter what we feel like, or is the children more important? Arent all divorced women bitter &  in financial trouble? What are the statistics? How do you fix something that is so messed up, with no trust or respect from either side? Does couples counselling even work in reality?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm not sure who "everyone" is. Not all divorces actually produce the enhanced situation everyone involved in them might hope for, but they may be a good idea in some situations, especially if both of those primarily concerned are realistic about what can and can't be achieved.
Of course the children are very important - bu they may well be better off following an amicable or at least peaceable divorce than in a miserable marriage maintained under the illusion that this is inevitably to their benefit.
Neither bitterness nor finanial turmoil is inevitable. Couples counselling undoubtedly helps some people, but one cano generalize as so much depends on the specific individuals involved and their attitudes towards each other, towards being helped, and towards sincerely wanting to improve the situation.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Rick | 2010/01/07

There is hope for you, and yes you can be better off. It all depends on your situation and attitude.

Sometimes there is no way to fix up something that is so messed up, the only way is divorce, and if there is no trust or respect then divorce is the only way. That way you have the opportunity to start over and maybe meet a person who will love you and treat you with respect.

Couples councelling may work, but it seldom does because 1 party has already decided that its over. It would take a monumental effort to make it work properly.

I know its tough, cause Ive been there, but Ive also come out the other side, better off, so it is possible.

Regards
Rick

Reply to Rick
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/07

I'm not sure who "everyone" is. Not all divorces actually produce the enhanced situation everyone involved in them might hope for, but they may be a good idea in some situations, especially if both of those primarily concerned are realistic about what can and can't be achieved.
Of course the children are very important - bu they may well be better off following an amicable or at least peaceable divorce than in a miserable marriage maintained under the illusion that this is inevitably to their benefit.
Neither bitterness nor finanial turmoil is inevitable. Couples counselling undoubtedly helps some people, but one cano generalize as so much depends on the specific individuals involved and their attitudes towards each other, towards being helped, and towards sincerely wanting to improve the situation.

Reply to cybershrink

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