Posted by: Lizel | 2009-04-15


my husband is contimpleting divorcing me because of irreconcialable differences, he states that we will never see eye to eye because our personalities are totally different. Yet he refuses to go for marital counselling. i have this worst feeling my heart is broken cause i still love him and we' ve only been married for three years. i don' t sleep at all at night, i cry a lot. I have never experiences something so painful - this is tearing me apart. I don' t even know what to do with myself. the only thing we discuss at home nowadays is divorce. I think this is cruelty, what do you think doc?

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Our expert says:
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Courts ought to look suspiciously at someone claiming irreconcilable differences who has failed to sincerely try counselling to see if the differences can indeed be reconciled. He can have no good reason for refusing marriage counselling, except that he seems to have made up his mind that the marriage should end, and is actually scared that counselling would help. DO see a counsellor ( via FAMSA, for instance ) or a shrink for yourself, to enhance your strangths and ability to cope, and see what more can be done to sort this out

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lizel | 2009-04-16

I am 30 and we have no kids. I think I am ready to face the monster (divorce) - though its painful. I am just waiting for the summons.

Reply to Lizel
Posted by: Boo to SSS | 2009-04-16

Jislaaike !! Where does SSS come from ?? You being too demanding my eye !! It sounds like you have a real slug for a husband. I' d kick his sorry arse right out of it. You may THINK you love him and you may THINK its bad to be on your own after a divorce but that' s NOTHNNG in comparison toibeing stuck with a disrespectful, useless jerk like that for the rest of your life. Just make sure you get a good financial settlement and loads of maintenance when you come to your senses and divorce him. Go for it !!!

Reply to Boo to SSS
Posted by: Gem | 2009-04-16

I totally agree with Tasja! why must you be submisive. Most men of today misuse/abuse the word submisive. They mistake it for slavery!!! Lizel, I am also married just for 4 years and believe me the same thing. And the mother is a major factor of this. How old are you? although I am still " hanging"  in their please dont think that you are the one at fault. One tends to do that and you loose your identity because all they do is manipulate you in thinking that you are the one at fault. He is just talking about divorse... believe me once you say lets go, he will be the last one to sign!!! until then please Lizel, dont loose yourself and start putting yourself first. In marriage a couple should work together but these days, most of the time marriages from 3-6 years the husbands totally become abusive and are not a damn interested in making things work cause they just want you as their slaves and a motherly figure (not generalising). You only have one life my friend, start speding it with people who LOVE YOU BACK!!!! God Bless!

Reply to Gem
Posted by: Tasja | 2009-04-15

SSS,you must be joking!!How are you to know what kind of a husband Lizel have.A woman is not dominating when she doesnt want to pick up after her husband,and he if he doesnt call her mom,why should she call his mom???Why is it demanding to have a clean house???Or not to have your husband shout at you???Why the hell cant she dry her hair in her own time,and why the hell is he shouting at her???

Lizel,dont waist your time here,SSS doesnt know what he -she is talking about.Some-one who `s not in the same situation as you cant go telling you what kind of a person you are.
You just stand on your own 2 feet,and dont take nonsense,you did nothing wrong.The problem is with your soos to be ex!Looks to me like he cant handle married life.And he doenst have any manners,like picking up after him,not shouting at his wife and so on.Really Lizel dont think another minute that its your fault or something

Reply to Tasja
Posted by: SSS | 2009-04-15

I thought there was something more going on. Honestly I think u r bit demanding and want to dominate him. Why do u need to be in charge of him? Am I wrong in saying so? I think he probably had enough. Dont get me wrong, I am just giving the feeling I got from what u have written. Somewhere I pick up some jealousy aswell.

Reply to SSS
Posted by: Lizel | 2009-04-15

Dear SSS

He says I am too stubborn and not submissive. I refuse to pick up his dirty laundry that he leaves lying on the floor, I' ve threatened him with divorce before, I don' t talk at times, I tell him that he must not shout at me, when I go do my hair I came back late, I eat chewing gum though he doensn' t like it, I don' t call his mom (don' t acknowledge her), I once told him that if he continues shouting at me in front of his siblings I will do stab him (2005). The list of borne graudges is long - its every incident that has happened in our 4 year marriage.

Reply to Lizel
Posted by: SSS | 2009-04-15

Lizel, what happened in the relationship that things went this far? Somewhere along the line something went wrong. Maybe u got married 2 young or quickly. He maybe realises now that he is not ready for this marriage thing. But something tells me there is something more going on here.

Reply to SSS

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