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Question
Posted by: flipper | 2012/06/04

Distance

Hi there

My husband and I are in a long distance relationship at this moment, he is in another country, it has been 6 months, he is coming home in 3. We are fighting constantly and over little things. I''m not allowed to socialise with other people such as friends or relatives because then he will see it as " giving my time to other people"  and he feels that he only is entitled to my time . This has caused big problems in our relationship, every time I do spend some time with a friend or if I even ask him to see someone, then he gets so upset and angry he threatens me with divorce. I don''t know what to do, he never used to be like this when we were together. I love him so much. Is it just the long distance situation or is it something more?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Long distance relationships are always difficult. But a man with such an obsolete idea of marriage that his wife isn't "allowed" to see friends and relatives is a fossil with no respect for her, and needs to revise his ideas. Those crude old ideas ( suggesting a very insecure man ) would cause problems even if he wasn't at a distance and still trying to control what he should not control.
It is YOUR time, not his. ( Slavery was abolished some years ago ).
I also wonder what more may be going on. How is HE spending HIS time while abroad ? Is he as solitary and monk-like as he seems to want you to be nun-like ? Or is he feeling guilty, perhaps, about his behaviour while away, and worrying that you might be doing likewise ?
Marriage counselling is needed, and urgently, especially if he isnt going to be home for long.
You don't mention children. Especially if there are no children, maybe divorce wouldn't be such a bad idea, if he isn't prepared to change his antiquated and unjust expectations

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/05

Long distance relationships are always difficult. But a man with such an obsolete idea of marriage that his wife isn't "allowed" to see friends and relatives is a fossil with no respect for her, and needs to revise his ideas. Those crude old ideas ( suggesting a very insecure man ) would cause problems even if he wasn't at a distance and still trying to control what he should not control.
It is YOUR time, not his. ( Slavery was abolished some years ago ).
I also wonder what more may be going on. How is HE spending HIS time while abroad ? Is he as solitary and monk-like as he seems to want you to be nun-like ? Or is he feeling guilty, perhaps, about his behaviour while away, and worrying that you might be doing likewise ?
Marriage counselling is needed, and urgently, especially if he isnt going to be home for long.
You don't mention children. Especially if there are no children, maybe divorce wouldn't be such a bad idea, if he isn't prepared to change his antiquated and unjust expectations

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