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Question
Posted by: Al | 2010/05/24

Dissipline

Wie se werk is dit om stiefkinders te dissiplineer. Stiefouers of Bio ouers. Ek en my man verskil redelik hieroor, want ek voel hy is die een wat moet dissiplineer

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Discipline, for ALL children, is the responsibility of the parents ( biological or step ) with BOTH parents working together in harmony. Where they disagree, they diturb the kids who get contradictory messages. Similarly, when there has been a divorce, biomom, biodad and the step-parents need to get their heads together and adopt a common policy
I disagree, to a degree with Phil - disciplining children, fairly and consistently is a DUTY, not a RIGHT
And have you noticed how readily people seem to dead "discipline" as involving physical punishment ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2010/05/24

Sorry Woman, when it comes to my kids GOD gave me the responsibility to take care of them. So when it comes to my kids, and they are harmed I don''t want to control my anger.
My kids stay with me, any lady in my life are not allowed to dissipline my kids. That, is my job. and keeping evryone happy in my house is my job. When my kids vissit their mom, she knows. No one but her are allowed to dissipline my kids. I will even assist her in sorting problem with my kids.
And you were my x, and you stepped over that line. Then the kids would defiantely not have stayed in your house. so relax Woman, I don''t have issues with you. You do what you think good, but if your x is anything like most dad''s, he would not tolerate it either. all the best.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Woman | 2010/05/24

errr, Phil, sorry to disappoint, where discipline was mentioned, i did not in any way mean smacking around. My husband has never given any of our children a hiding. Neither have i , for that matter.

A light smack on the hand to a toddler pointing his finger into a power socket is better than the alternative. And you seem to be rather violent yourself - threatening anyone who doesn''t do things your way with a trip to the hospital? Have you worked on your anger issues?

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Phil | 2010/05/24

Cybershrink. I don''t like like physical dissipline very much, and my kids hardly ever gets punished this way. But in the Bible they do talk about punishment, and trust me. Getting a good hiding when you deserve it is sometimes the last and best resort. done correctly by a responsible loving parent, it can''t do harm. Thats how majority of us grew up to be good people.

But you alos right in a way, there are rules in a house. Kids must obide by them. These rules are made byt the grown ups. But dissipline, goes to the real parents. A step parent can only take over a father or a mothers role if they are completely not present for whatever reasons.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Phil | 2010/05/24

Sorry Woman, but your vows was your decsion and had nothing to do with the kids. They didn''t get marreid, or had a choice in the step parent.
Tell you this much, anyone else touch my kids they end up in Hospital, and with a charg of child abuse against the mother and her new spouse. Like I said, the step parent has no real bussiness with the " tow"  parents children.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Woman | 2010/05/24

That is a sticky issue. Obviously physical discipline should always be a last resort. My husband is as involved in our discipline plan as I am. We have a blended family - he is step dad to 2 of our kids.

We have a reward wall with the children''s tasks and behaviour. Good behavour is rewarded with things like eating out, going to the movies, getting dvd''s etc. They get stars when they do their tasks and black marks when they don''t. It takes a village to raise a child.

A parent (be they step or bio) should be a parent. A parent is there when things are good and bad. This means that the parent should be involved in raising the child - whether it be rewarding good behaviour or punishing bad behaviour. If I''m not mistaken, the marriage vows states" for better or for worse" , this includes raising children, whether they are biologically your own or not.

Step parent should not delude themselves by thinking that they are only marrying the individual. Where kids are involved, it is a package deal.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Phil | 2010/05/24

Die biologiese ouer. Geen ander persoon het regtig die reg om aan iemand anders se kinders te slaan of te dissiplineer nie. Om ''n kind met woorde te vra om in lyn te wees is fine, maar die dissipline is die biologiese se ouers se plig. Dis nogal ''n baie sesitiewe onderwerp, veral as mens begin verskil. Kan tot groot probleme lui. Sterkte.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/24

Discipline, for ALL children, is the responsibility of the parents ( biological or step ) with BOTH parents working together in harmony. Where they disagree, they diturb the kids who get contradictory messages. Similarly, when there has been a divorce, biomom, biodad and the step-parents need to get their heads together and adopt a common policy
I disagree, to a degree with Phil - disciplining children, fairly and consistently is a DUTY, not a RIGHT
And have you noticed how readily people seem to dead "discipline" as involving physical punishment ?

Reply to cybershrink

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