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Question
Posted by: Buli | 2010/09/21

Dissapointed at myself

Hi I consider myself a good and supportive friend but i am not so sure anymore. My friend had a live in boyfriend who was very sweet and considerate of my friend and they were happy together, things started getting bad when the boyfriend lost his job and my friend like anyone out there was depressed over this but her reaction was totally unfair which i did try to point out but she did not listen. She often spoke to him in a very disrespectful way, she had male friends calling her all of a sudden and the worse part was when she asked a collegue of ours to call him and pretend to be her aunt so that he can leave her house, but when we went to a work function she called the poor guy to come stay with her kids for the night. Now she tells me they have broken up and i can not help but feel that i have failed this guy for not standing up for him more, cause i know the wonders he has done for my friend.
Some people would preach I''m independant woman"  and i love my man for who he is not what he''s got yet when s*** hits the fan they take the nearest exit not in a dignified manner i might add but in a very tacky fashion.

Please help me get over the feeling of dissapointment at myself.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If she actually loved him, she would understand and not blame him for losing a job, and not talk down to him.
Maybe he should have stood up for himself more, but maybe when he lost his job he felt miserable and powerless to stand up for himself.
But i is your friend who behaed badly here, not you. Blame her, if blame is unavoidable, but don't blame yourself - you didn't do what she did ( and she is fully responsible for her choice of actions ).

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/21

If she actually loved him, she would understand and not blame him for losing a job, and not talk down to him.
Maybe he should have stood up for himself more, but maybe when he lost his job he felt miserable and powerless to stand up for himself.
But i is your friend who behaed badly here, not you. Blame her, if blame is unavoidable, but don't blame yourself - you didn't do what she did ( and she is fully responsible for her choice of actions ).

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