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Question
Posted by: Jealous friend | 2010/04/29

Disgusting Jealousy

My very good friend''s husband passed away recently. We are all relatively young, (early 50''s). I am sad that he is no longer with us but..

Something is drastically wrong with me!!! I''m really, honestly, very jealous of her for being a widow now, more jealous than sad, or sorry for her. They were a very happy, very much in love couple, which is more than I can say for any of our other friends. (Most of our circle have been married more than 30, nearer to 35 years, and we''ve all known each other for just as long ).

I have a very demanding husband, sexually, emotionally and financially - he is on early retirement. I can never do anything right in his eyes. He is one of those who has female " friends"  anything from 15 to 50 or older, and believes there is nothing wrong with that. His cellphone is so precious he never leaves it alone, he is constantly on mix-it, he has various e-mail addresses, I don''t know how many, and nor do I know the passwords. This is a problem for me but he gets livid when I say anything about it. Yet come bed time I must be ready for action.

How can it be that I''m not upset, heart sore sad or whatever emotion is needed for my friend''s loss, but am horribly and weirdly jealous?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It it truly HER you are jealous of, or are you expressing your dislike of the demands your husband makes on you, by envying the single/widowed state for being free of such demands ? Isn't it freedom from your husband's demands that you are seeking, rather than specifically wanting to be a widow ? If he would acknowledge that there are relationship problems, you could work, together, with a marriage counsellor to try to relieve the problems. If he refuses to accept that there are problems or that therapy may be needed, your choice may come down to accepting, reluctantly, and putting up with the situation, as you have presumably done for so long, or talking with a lawyer

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/30

It it truly HER you are jealous of, or are you expressing your dislike of the demands your husband makes on you, by envying the single/widowed state for being free of such demands ? Isn't it freedom from your husband's demands that you are seeking, rather than specifically wanting to be a widow ? If he would acknowledge that there are relationship problems, you could work, together, with a marriage counsellor to try to relieve the problems. If he refuses to accept that there are problems or that therapy may be needed, your choice may come down to accepting, reluctantly, and putting up with the situation, as you have presumably done for so long, or talking with a lawyer

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