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Question
Posted by: Nina | 2012-09-10

Dilemma - Friend is Visiting!!

My friend says he has a meeting and is visiting early next week. I feel so nervous, so flustered. i want to see him, just to experience that feeling, I will never otherwise know. But i know I shouldn''t.
If i say no, I will never know what it is to be loved and know what making love is all about. If I say yes, just for that one experience, I know how bad I will feel.

And then again, I am so scared that I will make a fool of myself, because I know nothing about sex. My experience with hubby is basic &  limited. Two minutes of missionary &  often dry sex, where I end up in pain &  bleeding &  that''s it. I have never had oral sex &  don''t think I could ever allow it, even though he says he just wants me to experience all the things I have never, even if its just one time.

And no, there are no expectations, beyond this. We both have families, and will not stray from them. He says he wants to feel loved &  touched just this once and if I feel we need to cut ties after that, then he will respect my wishes. It''s all up to me.

I thought about this, and i keep hearing my friends talk about their wonderful sex lives &  I pretend that mines is too. I would for once like to be truthful &  know what an orgasm feels like.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Nina,

You describe what you are experiencing and the choice you are facing. You do not ask a question. Ultimately no one can tell you what choice to make.

I would like to add another option. You could also choose to see a sex therapist who could work with you on your own and with yourself and your husband to improve your sexual relationship.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Firechild | 2012-10-09

Nina - I can so relate on so many levels, it is like you are living in my home and my head! I am in my 40''s, my sex life wasn''t every great, it kinda always felt like a " wham, bam thank you mam"  then he would go to sleep. I also tried showing him things the he accused me of having an affair (which was not the case at all).....that pretty much killed a lot of feelings. Eventually the fighting started and one day he got physically violent and threw me over the bed. That is where the last little bit of passion died! I avoid going to bed at the same time as him as when he does get intimate, it feels like I am being molested by a ram rod!!! When he touches me, my skin literally crawls. I too accidentally fell into the arms of an older male friend who has similar problems at home and OMW...what a fantastic experience and then some!! There aren''t enough words in the dictionary to describe this gentleman.....passionate, caring, loving, considerate are just a few.....however, I am weary of being lead into the trap of sweet talk to get what he wants. So I understand what you are saying....I too feel like a naughty teenager where hubby is a prude and have been told on numerous occassions to act like a mother and not a friend to my children. I can''t tell you " to hang in there it gets better"  because I don''t know that for a fact, all I can say is it is so nice to know I am not alone and there is nothing wrong with me either....I am a human being with feelings just the same as you. I wish you luck in which ever decision you take as it is not an easy one and they both have serious repercussions. If you want to chat you can contact me at firechild369@gmail.com

Reply to Firechild
Posted by: MO-MO | 2012-09-18

Nina - u just go and have some fun....on what u not getting @ home

Reply to MO-MO
Posted by: Nina | 2012-09-12

pamela I don''t just lie there like a dead fish girl. I try a lot of things. I have also spoken to him about what I like. I tell him when I am enjoying things, what feels good &  what doesn''t &  he still doesn''t take cue. I always ask him to tell me what pleases him and what he would like. I am not frigid pamela. Once my hubby has an orgasm, he just lies on top of me or rolls over, completely forgetting that I am yet to reach climax. I have spoken to him about this on several occassions. He''s not the type that''s interested in foreplay, touching, caressing, etc. He just gets down to his business once he has an erection.

I have no love interest in this friend. I don''t love him at all &  I have told him not to tell me he loves me, because I am not interested in a relationship of any sort with anyone. So Chris758, I don''t care if he doesn''t love me. I just appreciated that someone was interested in me sexually &  was eager to please me.

And just to let you know, my hubby won''t consider any sort of counselling. I have asked many times. He says things like that are not for him. He says its a whole load of crap.

My craziness and trying to feel again, is because I have tried &  hubby won''t make an attempt.

Reply to Nina
Posted by: Chris758 | 2012-09-11

Pamela I so agree with you......Nina, do not go that way my girl!!! I know what I am talking about and if you decide to do that you might as well get a divorce and then you can sleep around. What the hell is wrong with you? Work on your relationship with your husband and do it for your kids because if you just want to experience an orgasm then do it yourself.

Women are so vulnerable in these situations and by God a man will look for these women and exploit them!!!!!!!!!!! He DOES NOT love you he just wants to get you in bed!!!!!!!!!!!! That is all he wants to do!!!!! I just wish I could stand infront of you and shake you to wake up and see through this man''s romantic attack on you and you are going to loose everything that matters in your life!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: Pamela | 2012-09-11

Professional be damned! What Nina needs to do is get it together with her husband, her husband alone. Couples should always try to improve their sex lives together - not practising with strangers.

Nina, you say your husband is not interested in sex yet you have 2 children - how did that happen then? Of course there''s interest there, YOU just have to nuture it. If you just lie there like a dead fish, he''s not going to be very interested anyway. If you want to experience a mind-blowing orgasm then practice on yourself. I''m not saying this in a nasty way but by ''doing it yourself'' you will learn where, when and how you can teach your husband to please you.

Infidelity, although it happens so much, is never a good idea. There are always comebacks somewhere along the line.

ANON - Sex with strangers can have the biggest, longest strings attached .... beware!

Reply to Pamela
Posted by: Max | 2012-09-10

Also, everything you have discussed on this forum with strangers - I am sure your husband is oblivious to all your misgivings.
That is why you should discuss this in the presence of a professional as merely mentioning that he has never given you an orgasm will probably be devastation to him.

Reply to Max
Posted by: Max | 2012-09-10

Divorce is never good for kids. Its always the kids that suffer. Have you tried going to couples therapy.
Was your husband always like this, or was he passionate in the beginning?

Reply to Max
Posted by: Nina | 2012-09-10

Lee, you know what, if my hubby was in this position, he may figure out what to do with a woman. Some other woman may not be as nice as me &  keep trying &  just accepting things as they are.

Reply to Nina
Posted by: Nina | 2012-09-10

Lee, you know what, if my hubby was in this position, he may figure out what to do with a woman. Some other woman may not be as nice as me &  keep trying &  just accepting things as they are.

Reply to Nina
Posted by: Nina | 2012-09-10

Ten, three and a half and two. Max. And I am in my 30s. And so hubby is in his 30s as well. He tell me we are old &  must behave our age. No romance, not even a little bit of flirting with each other or getting naughty, etc. We''re old for fun stuff now. Must act like an old married couple, with kids.

Reply to Nina
Posted by: Nina | 2012-09-10

LEE I have a husband who isn''t interested in sex and when we do, its all about him. Read a previous post I submitted. And I never enjoy sex with hubby. I have never had an orgasm with him, because once he is satisfied, he just lies on top of me or rolls over &  doesn''t care about me. it''s all about his pleasure. I tell him not to stop I am getting there &  he doesn''t respond. There is no foreplay, &  I am often in so much pain because I have not been stimulated &  he enters me.

LEE, I don''t know what satisfying sex is. I don''t know what it is like to have an orgasm with my hubby. I have even bought us books &  he throws them away.

I prompt him when we have sex &  tell him what feels good &  try to encourage him when he does something good. I want to my body to be touched &  caressed &  not just have my undies taken off &  humped.

Reply to Nina
Posted by: Max | 2012-09-10

How old are your kids Nina?

Reply to Max
Posted by: CRN | 2012-09-10

Your husband should be taking care of you in that situation.
If he gave enough attention and affection and love towards you, the thought wouldn''t have been in your mind. he cant just pleasure himself, he has to look after you to. So, even if im a guy and hate cheating, go and have a mind blowing orgasm.

Reply to CRN
Posted by: Anon | 2012-09-10

LEE are you speaking form experience?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: LEE | 2012-09-10

Like you said it`s all up to you but let me ask you questions, what will happen if you find that you enjoy sex with you friend than with you husband,let me tell you what will happen you will forever tell your hubby that you are not in the mood for sex but the actual truth is you wont be in the mood for him but it the mood for the friend,remember the vows you made when you guys got married,ask yourself one question what if your hubby was the one in your situation.Just be honest to yourself.

Reply to LEE
Posted by: Anon | 2012-09-10

Have sex with a stranger, there will be no strings attached.

Reply to Anon

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