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Question
Posted by: Pat | 2010/03/15

dilemma

I''ve often read on the forum that when you suspect something, you must just confront your partner. My partner lies without batting an eyelash, even when we have a heart to heart, and in the past, the only time he would confess to something was when i had proof. I checked his phone last night cause he''s been a bit distant. It was his birthday last month, and there was a simple message that said happy bday. I called the number, and it was a women. Then I checked his deleted items, another number, but the message was F*& $% U. I called the number, another woman. Yes, I can ask nicely, but I know I won''t get the truth. Don''t know what I want to know, but right now my heart is racing, I''m feeling hot and cold at the same time, and I can''t concentrate on anything. How should I honestly handle this? Also, a year ago, I received an anonymous email from someone saying my hubby was having an affair with someone. He denied it, and the purpoted person also tried calling me to deny it. I asked my husband for proof substantiating his side of the story. Nothing was fortgcoming. The person who sent the email dismantled the address I guess immediately afterwards, so I have not clue who he/she was. To this day, hubby wants me to trust him, without him showing he is worthy. Please, what would you do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Youi will absolutely NEVER have heard me sugest that one must ALWAYS "Confront" one's partner. The current fashion for "confronting" people copmes from sloppy, amateur and quack pseudo-shrinks. Obviously when there are important issues, one should discuss them, but Confronting someone is an aggressive and less productive way of doing this.
You seem here to be desciing someone who is almost a pathological liar, someone who may lie even when he has no need to and even if he is likely to be caught out, and who only barely acknowledges the truth when forced to do so. Why is he still your companion ? Don't you believe you deserve more than this ?
If you really want to persist with the marriage, surely marriage counselling is really needed.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Wife | 2010/03/15

If you love him, believ what he says. but keep you eye on him. This is what i would do..I do it. It is a bit deceitful...but yeah..so is cheating. Tell him you believ him and trust him, let him think that he has you in the pocket. If he is cheating...you will catch him out...If you going to ask him about it...and he is cheatiing...he will be more sneakier.

On the other hand, if he is honest and he is sincerely not cheating...you are wasting valuable time on something that is not present, time that you could spend just being happy.

Remember, the most important person in the relationship is you, if you have kids they cant be happy if u not happy. You have choices, you have a life too... This is the best advice i ever got from someone when i found out my husband was cheating.

Reply to Wife
Posted by: Wife | 2010/03/15

If you love him, believ what he says. but keep you eye on him. This is what i would do..I do it. It is a bit deceitful...but yeah..so is cheating. Tell him you believ him and trust him, let him think that he has you in the pocket. If he is cheating...you will catch him out...If you going to ask him about it...and he is cheatiing...he will be more sneakier.

On the other hand, if he is honest and he is sincerely not cheating...you are wasting valuable time on something that is not present, time that you could spend just being happy.

Remember, the most important person in the relationship is you, if you have kids they cant be happy if u not happy. You have choices, you have a life too... This is the best advice i ever got from someone when i found out my husband was cheating.

Reply to Wife
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/15

Youi will absolutely NEVER have heard me sugest that one must ALWAYS "Confront" one's partner. The current fashion for "confronting" people copmes from sloppy, amateur and quack pseudo-shrinks. Obviously when there are important issues, one should discuss them, but Confronting someone is an aggressive and less productive way of doing this.
You seem here to be desciing someone who is almost a pathological liar, someone who may lie even when he has no need to and even if he is likely to be caught out, and who only barely acknowledges the truth when forced to do so. Why is he still your companion ? Don't you believe you deserve more than this ?
If you really want to persist with the marriage, surely marriage counselling is really needed.

Reply to cybershrink

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