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Question
Posted by: Glynis | 2010-11-19

Difficulty forming bonds with people

Hi Doc,

What is wrong with me? I have such a hard time creating bonds with people.

I suffered with some really bad emotional abuse ( extreme racism because of my dark colour skin) when i was little up till 16 years old by my parents and i still struggle with the same or similar issues with other people at work and with the few friends and family i have.

I feel like no one understands me or cares to respect me i have to work really really hard and then too its for like an inkelling of respect. I often am the person that has complex relations with everyone ( difficult boss that takes a particular dislike to myself only and the whole world sees it too , colleagues that i think respect me prove otherwise behind my back, family too automatically take a liking to my siblings but me they just forget or dislike and all people in my circle have back stabbed me at some time).

I fear meeting new people because its just another person that''s going to give me a hard time. Its like i have a sign on my head saying "  Please make my life a misery" .

I genuienly feel like i belong somewhere else and not on earth with people - i know in my heart that there''s a place somewhere out there with freaks that are just like me too.

I have the opposite relationship with animals. Even animals that don''t like any people take a liking and trust to me its like they can tell that i''m just harmless and need love and care like anyone else.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Overall, some of us have more dificulty forming friendships than do others ; some of us mind this and want to become more comfortable in making friends, some of us are more content being mainly alone.
Where one has had ugly experiences opf abuse or discrimination such as you mention, especially from your parents, who should be utterly ashamed of themselves ), it would obviously make us more hesitant and more likely to feel fearful when approaching others, expecting the worst, even though it is much less likely than it feels to you.
Seeing a counsellor could help you develop your self-confidence, and to find people who wil appreciate the many excellent things about you. Maybe there's an understandable degree of Depression, too, that deserves attention. Maybe getting involved in activities ( such as charities working with animals or children in need ) will help you as well as others, and enable you to meet a better type of people than you have so far had the misfortune to run into

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-11-20

Overall, some of us have more dificulty forming friendships than do others ; some of us mind this and want to become more comfortable in making friends, some of us are more content being mainly alone.
Where one has had ugly experiences opf abuse or discrimination such as you mention, especially from your parents, who should be utterly ashamed of themselves ), it would obviously make us more hesitant and more likely to feel fearful when approaching others, expecting the worst, even though it is much less likely than it feels to you.
Seeing a counsellor could help you develop your self-confidence, and to find people who wil appreciate the many excellent things about you. Maybe there's an understandable degree of Depression, too, that deserves attention. Maybe getting involved in activities ( such as charities working with animals or children in need ) will help you as well as others, and enable you to meet a better type of people than you have so far had the misfortune to run into

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