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Question
Posted by: Tracy | 2010/05/27

Difficult to hv sex with hubby

Have a big problem, for months now i''ve been very disconnected from husband. We''ve 2kids and been married 7yrs and a lot has happened in that time, he had an affair 5yrs ago which was very ugly and in 2008 was diagnosed with HIV that he claims doesn''t know where or how he got it. Earlier this year I was seriously considering leaving the marriage but I decided to stay and see if we can work things out. But I''m not attracted to him sexually anymore. He doesn''t turn me on at all. having sex with him it''s like torture. And I don''t initialise and many times when he initialises I reject him. So now its such a big deal in the house for the past 2 days he''s been sleeping in the living room because he says he''s not happy, he feels like as a couple we need to make time and connect emotionally thru sex and I am not willing to. He get very angry when we talk abt this issue that makes it even harder for me to sleep with him. Lately I''ve been trying to have sex more with him, but theres no emotion from my side and he complains abt that too, that he can feel I''m doing it but not there emotionally.
Don''t know what to do anymore, any advice will be appreciated.
Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course he knows where he got HIV - it didn't arrive in the post. It is possible in a problem marriage to work things out, but never when only one of the couple is sincerely trying to do so. And it often needs expert help from a marriage counsellor.
Sex shouldn't be a chore, especially when the promiscuity of one spouse has made it physically dangerous to the other, due to his HIV - that alone is enough to reduce the libido of his partner. Sorry not to be very cheery, but it does take 2 to tango, and he has to do his share, and make more effort, and agree to proper help

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon too | 2010/05/31

Anon, you''re an ass.

Reply to Anon too
Posted by: Anon | 2010/05/28

If you stupid enough to stay with him, why must we help you. Do you want to catch the nasty disease with him or for him. You dont need to feel sorry for anyone. I feel sorry for you that you can still be with him. You remain with such guys then some women just complain about their relationships. Why cant you do some good for yourself and leave him. Sorry, but I am against anyone having an affair and then wont accept it. And especially those who are risking their own lives yet ask for help?!?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Gogo | 2010/05/28

Thing that happen under our roof are difficult to believe. People do strange thing. When you are married to someone you love and you go out and screw someone you dont even know and you contact Hiv and you tell me you dont know how you get it. I am telling you the truth i wont take it or sympathyse with that stupid thing. I will divorce you with immediate effect. One thing i have in my mind is if my wife ever cheats on me its history . I don t care what will happen to the kids and all those stupid thing. A tiger will never change its spot or a zebra.
If i were you i will runaway. Tell me what is your status. How old are you and your husband.

Reply to Gogo
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/05/27

I''m not a believer in divorces. But sometimes when I learn how selfish other people can be, how capable they are to ruin lives, my mind wonders, is it worth giving it another try? Why must other people be the one to understand and deal with it.
Tracey, I''m just wondering how will you be feeling seven years from now.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/27

Of course he knows where he got HIV - it didn't arrive in the post. It is possible in a problem marriage to work things out, but never when only one of the couple is sincerely trying to do so. And it often needs expert help from a marriage counsellor.
Sex shouldn't be a chore, especially when the promiscuity of one spouse has made it physically dangerous to the other, due to his HIV - that alone is enough to reduce the libido of his partner. Sorry not to be very cheery, but it does take 2 to tango, and he has to do his share, and make more effort, and agree to proper help

Reply to cybershrink

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