Posted by: Tazz | 2009-04-16

did post on divorce forum, no reponse.

Hello, i got divorced in 2003, was awarded sole custody of my daugher (which is the normal thing in SA). Anyway everything went well until last november when my ex wanted her two nights during the week (sleepover) in addition to his normal 2 weekends per month. I did in the past grant him this but then we made a new amendment to our original court order / divorce decree, the courts have granted this now. he gets her 2 nights in the week plus every second weekend, okay so everything was fine and we were all happy until yesterday when he called me to say he wants more days!!! i told him "  no, we will stick to the court order"  . Can he in anyway, get a new court order underway??? surely no one is that powerful that they can chop and change a court order when they feel like it? Surely no court would grant that??? am panicking for nothing? I still have sole custody and control over my child, he does not! Please help, i am tired of all of this

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Our expert says:
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I hope some of our readers, who I know have experience in this area, can give you a useful answer. I, of course, am not a lawyer. I wonder why he is now wanting so much more time with her ? If you were awarded sole custody, the court must have had ( should have had ) good reasons for that. With no reason to suppose you are any the less able to care for the child, and no overwhelming reason why he should have more time with her, I see no basis for any court changing the arrangement. ANy court is required to decide on the basis of the child's best interests ( and that's not necessarily what a child may want ) and not on the preference of either of the parents

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ja | 2009-04-17

Shame! Give daddy a chance as well!

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Dunno | 2009-04-16

Sorry I can' t help put your mind at rest, but I was wondering why you got sole custody in the first place ? You say this is normal in SA ? I was always under the impression that this was the exception to the rule and that there must be some strong compelling reasons for that type of order. Was/is he a rotter ?

Pity you changed the original order. Maybe you can change it back again and get him out your life. It sounds as if HE might be using the child as a stick to beat you with, hence all his demands for more and more time with her, maybe to wean her away from you ? Sorry, but its just a thought I had.

The age of the child is also relevant. So often you hear of one of the parents spoiling the child when they are in their custody and then returning the child to the other party for a more structured life, to be discipined etc and you end up looking like the horrible old Witch. At the end of the day if you are happy with the arrangement let it be, but if you think he is trying to dominate the situation, get the old order back again and keep him out of it.

Reply to Dunno
Posted by: SS | 2009-04-16

Why r u so worried Tazz? As long as the child is happy. Remember the child comes first. As long as he dont force the child to visit him. The child has the right to visit the other parent unless the father is unfit to be a father. And the court wont just change a court order for the sake of changing it. If there r good reasons infront of the court as to why visitation rights needs to be changed, the courts will take those reasons into account. As long as u dont use the child as a weapon against the father.

Reply to SS
Posted by: Tazz | 2009-04-16

Thanks mom, i am panicking even more now! Please note that the SECOND court order was granted early January, my question is surely you cannot just change things when and if you feel like it. My ex husband does these things most of the time out of spite. any other responses will be appreciated. thanks

Reply to Tazz
Posted by: Mom | 2009-04-16

Yes he can, unless you have curse for not allowing him, does he drink, drugs, does he leave her home alone etc, his her parent so yes the court will take into consideration that he needs her as much as you do in his life.

Reply to Mom

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