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Question
Posted by: Carol | 2010/11/15

Devastated

Hi Doc
I am not sure this is the correct sight to be seeking help and I would appreciate it if you could point me in the right direction if I am mistaken but this is what happened this weekend - My son, now almost 23 got confirmed on the weekend and because he took it so seriously and feels the need to face his demons, he came to tell me about something that happened when he was 17 - While In matric on a weekend that I was away, he had a party at home (with my consent) and their were girls etc. At some time in the evening he took a 16 year old girl nto his room and started having sex and at some stage, his friends realized what was happening and came in with a cell phone and filmed what was happening. At that stage, neither him nor the girl minded and laughed about it, but as he has grown up, he realizes how disrespectful he was towards a woman and the fact that he did it in my home. The girl is apparently a known " easy lay"  and has moved on with her life and had a baby from somebody etc, but my son is taking huge strain - He has become almost a recluse as this has impacted his life tremendously and he is petrified of what could possibly happen to him - What can I do to ensure that he deals with his demons but also convince him that he wont land up in jail etc. as she was well aware of what was happening and he did''nt force himself on her/rape her and that he needs to repent (which he has big time) and go forward with his life. All I can say is that this awful event in his life has made him open up his eyes and treat women with a hell of a lot of respect!. I would really appreciate your advise.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He shouldm see a counsellor to work through his concerns here - of course he is right to reject what he did back then, but not to continue to be troubled by it, as presumably this behaviour has not been repeated. Its admirable that he has learned from this experience and become properly sensitive and respectful of women. Is he just being neurotic in fearing the pictures will turn up and lead to serious trouble, or is it possible one of his false "friends' may have mentioned it or threatened him in some way ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2010/11/15

Perhaps he should try counseling? Everybody makes mistakes and do things they''re not proud of.

The true measure of a human being is not in the mistakes made. Rather it is in the lessons learned from the mistakes!

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: H | 2010/11/15

Why should it bother him after all the years?

Reply to H
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/15

He shouldm see a counsellor to work through his concerns here - of course he is right to reject what he did back then, but not to continue to be troubled by it, as presumably this behaviour has not been repeated. Its admirable that he has learned from this experience and become properly sensitive and respectful of women. Is he just being neurotic in fearing the pictures will turn up and lead to serious trouble, or is it possible one of his false "friends' may have mentioned it or threatened him in some way ?

Reply to cybershrink

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