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Question
Posted by: Pain | 2011/03/09

Destroyed trust

Can anyone make me feel better
I caught my hubby cheating 2 weeks ago. He gave his cellphone to my daughter to use a year ago, around October when he upgraded his phone. My daughter was 9 years by then. He created a special folder on his cellphone and saved love messages and pictures that he exchanged between him and his girlfriend. My cellphone was lost and I borrowed my daughter’  s cellphone and promised that I will use it during the week and she can use it on weekend. She has been using the phone on weekends in any case as I did not want her to take the cellphone to school you know how kids are. I don’  t know if my daughter has seen this messages and what does she think of her father. Kids like cellphones and will peruse it when they get the chance. I confronted him and guess what happened, everything turned out to be my fault. I could not believe this and I am still crying as I ‘  m writing this. He did not want to admit that he was cheating on me and said he was only flirting with the woman. The pictures of this other woman and the messages are constantly in my mind. This happened last Jan and Feb. He never apologised for what he did and is carrying on as if nothing happened. I supported him through difficult times because I love him. How do I move on.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is still a mystery to me why cheaters choose to keep all their incriminating evidence on their phone, maybe in their computer. Is if a form of trophy keeping ?
Cheating is never the fault of the spouse being cheated on. If there are genuine problems in the relationship, they should be dealt with in marriage counselling, and if insoluble, then separation or divorce may be indicated - not cheating. Otherwise that's like saying I don't like the service at my bank, so I'm entitled to rob it.
and "only flirting" is a lame excuse - it's still cheating, especially if he wants to keep reminders and trophies of it. I'm not sure whether you ought to "move on" and pretend nothing happened, just as he is doing - this needs to be resolved properly. Preferabl through marriage counselling involving both of you, or at least with the help of a counsellor for you

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Our users say:
Posted by: Fishy | 2011/03/10

Yip Jerk and Rob are both 100% Corre t. I have been there and I have done that. Me too, i was the " guilty party" .
You know what, I suggest as this worked for me. We have since sorted the entire thing out and are building again what he broke down.|
RIP THE ENTIRE STORY OPEN !!!!
Phone the women, find her husband or boyfriend, print the pictures, deliver to her friends and and adnd. Whatever you have to do to get some sort of bloody reaction out of yiour husband.
No need to be nasty to him or even try to discuss with him...JUST DO IT.
Why should your life be a misery? Go for it doll and let me know how you are progresing. I called it " Shock Therapy"  at the time

Reply to Fishy
Posted by: Rob | 2011/03/09

I do feel sorry for you!! Once trust is broken it will take years to mend!! Get professional help and medication or else you will not make it!! Not on your own........

I went through the same thing and two years down the line I still do not fully trust again!!

Reply to Rob
Posted by: Jerk | 2011/03/09

Just flirting?Where i come from flirting is cheating.Theres no such thing as just flirting.I Would advise that you try to discuss it with him.Ask him why he felt the need to flirt.If you want to stay with him make sure that he knows you are willing to forgive and forget so long as he gives you real and honest answers and hes willing to take responsibility and work on it.If he doesnt want to do that then you should leave him because he then clearly isnt sorry and doesnt care.Hope that helps you.All the best

Reply to Jerk
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/09

It is still a mystery to me why cheaters choose to keep all their incriminating evidence on their phone, maybe in their computer. Is if a form of trophy keeping ?
Cheating is never the fault of the spouse being cheated on. If there are genuine problems in the relationship, they should be dealt with in marriage counselling, and if insoluble, then separation or divorce may be indicated - not cheating. Otherwise that's like saying I don't like the service at my bank, so I'm entitled to rob it.
and "only flirting" is a lame excuse - it's still cheating, especially if he wants to keep reminders and trophies of it. I'm not sure whether you ought to "move on" and pretend nothing happened, just as he is doing - this needs to be resolved properly. Preferabl through marriage counselling involving both of you, or at least with the help of a counsellor for you

Reply to cybershrink

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