Our expert says:
Getting together while still formally within other relaionships, and based on recognizing similar miseries, is not the basis for a fruitful relationship.
If she did deliberately lie to you and deliberaely fell pregnant, that was irresponsible and manipulative. Her continuing harrassment of you ( and the pregnancy, if it is your child, is fully as much her responsibility as yours, maybe even more so.
Usually it is agreed that it is more functional to tell your wife before she does ( if she inevitably will tell, which will be even worse for you and yourt wife than if you disclose, you may not have the option of your wife not knowing - and surely she has a right to know ? ) By taking the responsibility to tell her yourself, you remove this unpleasant woman's power to manipulate and blackmail you. And get paternity testing done, as you have no way of knowing whether you are the only possible father. And of course, tests to confirm that she is indeed pregnant.
As Wife says, you were both cheating on your spouses, and maybe as she has failed to patch up her own relationship ( and hardly has any option to conceal the pregnancy from her own spouse ) she may want to try to force you into a continuing relationship with her.
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