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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2009-10-22

Depression? / Suicide?

I' m in my late 20' s. I' m a director of a company, and to others, seem very successful work wise.

I' ve never had a boyfriend, and there doesn' t seem to be any prospects in the new future. I' ve just returned from a family wedding, and since then, I' ve felt like such a failure / loser, and embarressed that I haven' t been able to accomplish anything in my personal life.

I don' t know how to fix the situation, and have started thinking that it' s just too hard, and maybe I wasn' t born with the ability to handle it all. And if I know that I can' t handle it, then maybe it would be better if I wasn' t here, becasue I can' t live out each day knowing that I' m not going to be able to handle life. It feels like if I think about it for too long, I' m going to go insane. And I don' t have anyone to talk to.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sad, isn't it, how family gatherings like weddings and christenings often end up inadvertently making one or more of the family feel bad, by reminding them of something they haven't yet done ?
I understand your feelings, though obviously as a company director in your 20's, you're hardly a failure in anyone else's eyes. But of course in your own eyes, which are the important ones, you may indeed feel that way.
I think you really deserve to work for a short time with a good counsellor / therapist, preferably of the Cognitive-behaviour Therapy (CBT) format, and work on issues of self-esteem and confidence. Sounds like you're working yourself into a trap of negative thinking and panic despite your track record of coping well in other spheres of life, and I am confident that you could soon find yourself more realistically hopeful and able to handle these interpersonal aspects of life, including the development and enjoyment of relationships
I understand that you very sincerely feel hopeless about this, but asure you that this is a faulty perspective and not at all the truly hopeless reality it feels like

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-10-23

Sad, isn't it, how family gatherings like weddings and christenings often end up inadvertently making one or more of the family feel bad, by reminding them of something they haven't yet done ?
I understand your feelings, though obviously as a company director in your 20's, you're hardly a failure in anyone else's eyes. But of course in your own eyes, which are the important ones, you may indeed feel that way.
I think you really deserve to work for a short time with a good counsellor / therapist, preferably of the Cognitive-behaviour Therapy (CBT) format, and work on issues of self-esteem and confidence. Sounds like you're working yourself into a trap of negative thinking and panic despite your track record of coping well in other spheres of life, and I am confident that you could soon find yourself more realistically hopeful and able to handle these interpersonal aspects of life, including the development and enjoyment of relationships
I understand that you very sincerely feel hopeless about this, but asure you that this is a faulty perspective and not at all the truly hopeless reality it feels like

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Garfiield | 2009-10-22

Ha! You appear to be descrbng me, in every way, with the one exception tha I have had boyfriends. But, I have had 2 VERY unsuccessful ones that seem to outweigh al the normal ones that didnt work out.

So, if you think about it, (just for a comical irony of sorts to perhaps make you look at it differently) ... we are sort of ' Even Stephens'  in a way, but actually, all appearances aside, I have the same, but with 2 abusive relationships that I have to get over &  find out why I keep getting myself into the same situations in order to re-reach the path that you are curretly on!!

I have a friend who is very far from a Director, (has had six faily ' low-rung'  jobs in the last 2 years) and is recently married. But unhapply married ... and already contemplating divorce after not even a year of marriage.

A close family member of mine has a great career. Married a horroble person, thinking it was going to get better after 5 years of being together ... and spent the first year of ' marriage'  trying to get a divorce.

My very capable Mom is married to my very capable dad ... for thirty odd years now, very happily overall. But, she never hd a career because she chose to stay home and make being a mom her job despite the opportunities she could of mde happen career-wise.

My apologies, because I KNOW hoe frustrating it is when you broach someone/something about yourself &  would really like an individual answer, and some smart-|-talks about themself!!!

I am only saying all this because, well, I think it is often only through looking at other people that we get to know certain things about ourselves or our situations - whether that be wising up &  saying "  well if other people can do it so can i, what is holding me back"  or even " sometimes I may be slower to move, but rather that than make a mistake that will set me back from my original goal"  or even " I am happy with where I am afterall"  or even " what the hell, this is what I want and I am going to go after it" .

I think, decide what it is that you want &  then go for it. Wht about yourself makes you think that you can' t handle life ... when, from what you said above, you seem to be doing just fine, but perhaps a little apprehensive about a spehre of your life that you havent quite got into yet?

There is always someone to talk to ... you are already ' talking now'  in a way  you can talk to a Psychologist if need be, but don' t let your fear stop you or cripple you, or other people' s perceptions of what you should be doing at this stage guide you.

I bet you people aren' t thinking the way you are currently about yourself. I am sure there are a lot of people envious of where you are now, thinking you are so strong &  independent  wishing that they could of been just like you before they got into unsuitable relationships.

If it bothers you, then go speak to someone professional about it, but don' t let things out of perspective

:-) From a twenty something year old, single Director (who is seeing a psychologist to help her stay away from bad people .... good on the work front, just bad on the relationship front :-)

Reply to Garfiield

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