Our expert says:
Sorry to hear about all this, P. Yes, indeed, depression does ocur in children, probably more than most of us realize, and it can be treated, though this should be done with a child psychiarist's advice, and not a GP.
YOur husband may be demonstrating, amongst other things, something called State-Dependent Learning - basically, that what we learn or place in memory when under the influence of any drug ( such as alcohol ) tht influiences our mind ) may not be remembered when sober / clean, and may be remembered again when again under the influence.
This is one of the reasons why its a bad idea for kids to study when drunk or high, for instance. And I've long thought that it may be a reason, beyond simple denial, why alcohol abusers don't remember what went wrong when they were drunk ( so it doesn't inhibit them from drinking again ) ; and they may then, when they start to drink again, remmber the mess they made last time, and try to blot out this unwelcome memory by drinking even more.
Yes, drinking makes good people at least foolish people, sometimes even bad. Is he really not open to persuasion that he should seek poper expert help to control his drinking, if he is sincere in the regrets he expresses when sober ?
I love the revelation about the boy and the underpants ! What a brilliant illustration of how as adults we sense sinister possibilities ( why is he stuffing things in his underpants ? )when a child may be simply practical and sensible - if there's no pockets in the new pants, he has to put his stuf somewhere.
So often in life, however much we may want to protect one's child from hurt and the pains of life, this is imposible. What may be more useful, as well as posible, is to use these opportunities to help him to learn to cope with the sadnesses of life. To show that life is still worthwhile even including the sad parts. That may, in the end, be the greater gift.
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