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Question
Posted by: Simi | 2010/09/02

depression causing intense physical pain

Hi CS

A man I was with for 8 yrs upped and married someone in a heartbeat in 2008, after getting her pregnant weeks after meeting her. In two years they already have two kids. The intense shock and depression have affected me in various ways and with each milestone (pregnancy, wedding, birth of first baby, birth of second, wedding anniversary etc) I have felt an intense pain exactly where my heart is. This pain is enough to keep me up at night and alternates with a kind of shaking and rocking, as well as staring mindlessly at the ceiling, I am aware I must be suffering extended heartbreak.

After I lost him I went thru a period of intense promiscuity, which didn''t help and moreover was unprotected sex so now I am waiting for test results. I do not know how to heal myself from this incident. I have thought of talking to someone but feel such anger and such an overwhelming sense of rejection, that I wouldn''t know where to begin. And I know what I will be told. he was useless anyway, why would you want a man like that, are you aware he is merrily getting on with his life, have u thought about why he didn''t pick you in 8 yrs, come on there are a million men in this world etc etc.

To someone with a broken heart, living in horrible pain, none of that matters. I''m not saying it isn''t true. I am saying the broken heart cannot recognise logic and reasoning.

I do feel the ultimate fool for waiting in hope for 8 yrs. And I question how someone came along and achieved in weeks, what I could not achieve in years.

What shd I do? The physical pain over my heart and extreme tightening of the chest when I think of him and his family are actually making life difficult. I don''t hate him or the wife and kids at all. I hate my exclusion in his life and the sense of being thrown outside the back door. It is exactly how I feel, I was thrown away because I wasn''t good/pretty/engaging enough.

How do I get over the sense of intense anger, and complete worthlessness? Why do I still have such painful crying bouts 2 yrs after he left? I am all but convinced this was my last chance for love. I don''t mind not finding love again and have made my peace with that. This was my last chance, no one but him even looked at me during those 8 yrs and no one is looking now - I am already 36.

I don''t mind that my last chance is gone. But I mind how I feel right now. I cannot go about from day to day in a state of quiet rage and blinding pain.


Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sad story, S though what happened proves he was a heel who behaved dishonestly towards you, so he was much less of an actual loss than it may have felt, for you. But you really ought to see a good local counsellor / psychotherapist to work through this, as it sounds as though you have become far too fixated on this, in ways that interfere with your freedom to carry on and find the happiness you deserve in life.
What happened to you proved HIS worthlessness, not yours. Your value and self-esteem must not depend on his frivolous and selfish views or thoughtless behaviours.
You are allowing your future to be held hostage to a stubborn holding on to what isn't, wasn't and won't be ; preventing you from finding what still can be.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Rob | 2010/09/02

What you are getting is panick attacks. The pain feels like a heart attack.....take deep breaths and exhale slowly for about 7 times. You will be ok.

I know about this pain so deep in you and you will need help to get through and over this.

Reply to Rob
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/02

Sad story, S though what happened proves he was a heel who behaved dishonestly towards you, so he was much less of an actual loss than it may have felt, for you. But you really ought to see a good local counsellor / psychotherapist to work through this, as it sounds as though you have become far too fixated on this, in ways that interfere with your freedom to carry on and find the happiness you deserve in life.
What happened to you proved HIS worthlessness, not yours. Your value and self-esteem must not depend on his frivolous and selfish views or thoughtless behaviours.
You are allowing your future to be held hostage to a stubborn holding on to what isn't, wasn't and won't be ; preventing you from finding what still can be.

Reply to cybershrink

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