Posted by: Dave | 2010-05-30

Depression and Confusion

I am married and I have a 2.5 year old son. From the time that he was born, she claimed that she had post natal depression so I have been a single parent. My wife is never at home since she is part of a volountary association where they try to find homes for rescued animals. In the seldom occasion that she''s at home, my son goes to hug her and she pushes him away and says that she will slap him. My son is also not speaking properly at the moment for a child of his age.
My wife also has too many dogs at home and when she comes home, she dedicates her time to the dogs and neglects our son. I am worried that he will not grow up with a mother''s love. Since we are alone all the time (and our families are far away), he does not get any interaction with kids or other people. When I take him to a friends house, he wants to hit the other kids since he thinks that this is a way of playing so I stopped taking him to other kids. Yesterday, I took him to a park and he didn''t want to play with the kids properly. I am thinking of taking him to a social group for kids but don''t know if it will help.

I am feeling like there''s no hope and that I am going insane. I am constantly thinking about the dreadful situation that I am in and our lives are ruled by the dogs that she keeps in the house. We cannot go away on holidays and we seem imprisoned due to the fact that we have to be at home for the dogs all the time. She treats the dogs like royalty.

I have a very demanding job and the weekends are taken by looking after my son. I work till late and still continue working at home after my son is asleep.

What can I do to be in a better undepressed situation where I can have total control of my life?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Whatever her disorder, it certainly does sound dysfunctional, and to include neglect ( at the least ) of her child. PND ( or indeed any other diagnosis ) is no excuse for such behaviour, especially if, as it sounds, she is not receiving active and effective treatment.
There used to be a cliche about the importance of being kind to dumb animals - but it's also important not to be dumb to kind animals,which seems to be her way of avoiding her primary responsibilities in life.
Your attempts to cope with all this are admirable, but obviously draining. A personal counsellor might help you at least to cope better, and you deserve the support and advice.
Is it possible to persuade her to seek a proper psych assessment and advice ? Even if she has to see it as enabling her to be more effective in caring for the dogs ? Could you discuss it with more senior people in whatever organization she works with, to see if they notice a problem and if they could also help persuade her to seek help, which would benefit everyone

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Our users say:
Posted by: Dave | 2010-06-12

I have another problem now. It seems like the guy that she is spending all her time with doing the volountary work is having an affair with her. He is also married. She told me this week that she wants to have another baby and I suspect that the guy made her pregnant. She said that she visited the gynaecologist and that the doctor said that she has an hormonal imbalance and that she needs to have another child for the hormonal imbalance to get sorted out.

I read some of her sms''s this morning and it seems like something happened since he said that he was worried about her after the previous day''s episode and that he tried to call her like 1000 times but figured that she probably needed her space.

Reply to Dave
Posted by: Dave | 2010-06-07

Thanks for the advice. I will definitely try it. She has been for counselling on two occasions but I think that she stopped because she couldn''t handle what was said to her by the psychologist.

Reply to Dave
Posted by: Cupcake. | 2010-05-31

This is so sad Dave. She is obviously CAPABLE of love given the situation with the dogs. I don''t know, but in my mind she might feel like he is yours to raise and thinks that you are enough of a parent for him. Maybe she feels like she is a bad mother and therefore keeps away from him in order not to harm him, mentally and apparently physically too. As a mother I simply cannot fathom a mother of all people acting this way towards her own flesh and blood. She desperately needs help, thing is, does she think so too? It''s been a long journey for you and she has been falling into this zone of distance not only towards him but you too. Her life is the dogs. Her place, away from home. Away from real responsibility. She is doing so much harm to the both of you. You need to get her to a person (CS can assist) that can help her deal with the issues that keeps her from focusing on the right things. I will check in when CS gave his answer. I''m stuck in a similar situation . . . thanks for the question. It will help me too . . .

Reply to Cupcake.

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