Our expert says:
OK, well at least we are sure you ought to have existed and ought to continue to exist - I hiope it won't be long before you agree with us !
Cocaine isn't good for the brain, in any situation. In depression it might make one feel a buit less depressed, or unpleasantly agitated. In Anxiety it would be unlikely to help relieve the feelings of anxiety.
However, whatever one feels while under the influence of ocaine is not "normal" even if it seems to resemble what you think normal used to feel like.
Maybe NA could help - so long as you don't do what most alcoholics do on encountering AA - look for things that enable you to see yourself as different from all the other folks there, and as therefore not Really having the same sort of problem.
I'm surprised you haven't come across the Anxiety / Dwepression Support Group ( number on this very page ! ) which has branches all round the country and can be very useful. Check them out
Psychologists ought NEVER to focus mainly on the past ( though some of the possibly inaccurate and unhelpful conclusions you may have drawn as a result of the past may be worth exploring ) - they should help focus on how to cope better with whatever situations and feelings currently cause problems.
I don't understand at all the suggestion that you produce either too much testosterone or insulin.
Fortunately your mom ( who, you're right, does not deserve the horror of a child suiciding ) doesn't need to know what it feels like in order to be supportive and helpful. I've never broken a leg, so far, and don't know exactly what it feels like, but that doesn't mean I can't help someone with a broken leg get X-rayed and put in plaster so they can heal properly.
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