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Question
Posted by: DESPERATE | 2010/05/14

Depression and anxiety

My little girl is now 8 months old and I love her to bits. It has been a tough road, as I spent most of my pregnancy alone as well as the first 4 months with baby (my husband worked out of town). She was a reflux and very difficult baby, but we got through it and she is so healthy. I developed pre-natal depression which followed into post-natal depression. Because of feeling embarressed and pride, I never spoke to anyone and suffered in silence. I''m better now, but sleeping is such an issue, and therefore I use the aid of sleeping tablettes every other night, just to get some rest. I made it through the depression by taking Ativan on really bad days. My daughter has been with a daymother from 4.5 months (creche with 5 kids). I now have this intense fear that she prefers her daymother to me? She spends all day with her and all I have is bath time and the last feed of the day and weekends. She also refers to the daymother as " mamma" , it really hurts. She is a very happy and friendly baby, everyone adores her! Please could you give me some advise, as I don''t want to lose my baby''s love and need for me in her life. Could her preference mean I''m a bad mom?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Ativan is not an antidepressant at all. Your depression deserves respect and proper diagnosis and treatment - do, please, see a properly qualified psychiatrist for a full assessment and a discurrion of available treatments, both genuine antidepressants and CBT counselling - and get his advice on smoothly coming off Ativan.
And an anxious mom tends to produce an anxious child, so this would benefit both of you.
Your child may well be USED to the day-mother, but won't prefer her. She may even get to expect to spend time with her by day, becasue that's how her life goes, and be pleased to see you when she can.
I understand it can hurt to hear her call the other woman "mamma", but she has to call her sopmething, and this is probably the routine at that creche - it doesn't have for your child the special meaning it of course has for you.
There is no way whatever that you are a bad mom, or that your child thinks so - she's simply takin g events as they come, and it is the quality of the time you spend with her that she will remember all her life

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/14

Ativan is not an antidepressant at all. Your depression deserves respect and proper diagnosis and treatment - do, please, see a properly qualified psychiatrist for a full assessment and a discurrion of available treatments, both genuine antidepressants and CBT counselling - and get his advice on smoothly coming off Ativan.
And an anxious mom tends to produce an anxious child, so this would benefit both of you.
Your child may well be USED to the day-mother, but won't prefer her. She may even get to expect to spend time with her by day, becasue that's how her life goes, and be pleased to see you when she can.
I understand it can hurt to hear her call the other woman "mamma", but she has to call her sopmething, and this is probably the routine at that creche - it doesn't have for your child the special meaning it of course has for you.
There is no way whatever that you are a bad mom, or that your child thinks so - she's simply takin g events as they come, and it is the quality of the time you spend with her that she will remember all her life

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