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Posted by: down:( | 2012/10/24

Depression ad have to lay it out

I have been depressed for so long now, around 3yrs or so. All started when I found out I was pregnant with our second son (we are married) and then found out he had been having an affair. He told her off and we stayed together but it was very difficult for a long time. Especially as I was pregnant. At the time he wasn''t treating me kindly, he was very harsh with me and put a lot of pressure on me financially. I started working from home 3 days after our second son was born and I worked 24/7 for 2 weeks - literally I didn''t sleep for 2 weeks, that I started walking into walls because I fell asleep walking. When baby was 10 months old I went and had an affair too, I was in such a bad place emotionally. My self esteem was so low as I had been big when pregnant, developed hypothyroidism after baby and was really battling with my weight and just felt I was not worth loving or being cared for. But I got too emotionally caught up with this other chap who didn''t feel the same way and I was just looking for a way out of my misery with hubby. Eventually regardless of other chap I decided to divorce hubby (with no intention of starting anything further with other chap) when I made my decision, hubby pleaded with me and went for counselling and all, then he started making an effort. BUt it was so late, I had already gone too far. So I told him that i had cheated and he was very heartbroken too. So we decided to give it another try. He made me leave my job and become a housewife while he worked etc. But I was still so depressed and baby was around 1yr at this stage and I felt so overwhelmed by everything, I ended up on antidepressants which helped, I lost weight, like 15kg, I was motivated things were going ok, but hubby was still pretty difficult and harsh with me at times. In my heart I still felt I wanted an exit, that the baby held me there, that I was there for my kids, not me. I felt like I was just waiting for a chance to leave. I felt isolated, frustrated. I ended up having another affair for what reason i can''t even say. I knew it couldnt go anywhere with this other man, but for some reason, in my heart I was wishing it would. I was hoping I could just move on. I went off my anti-depressants because of severe side effects that I just could take anymore, so I weened myself off. My world came crashing down, I didn''t really want anything to do with this other man anymore, I didn''t like how unhappy I was. I realised just how unhappy I was and how I hadn''t resolved things in my heart about my husband, and how much anger I was carrying, but I couldn''t resolve it, I ended up sleeping and sleeping, waking up as late as 10am some mornings, dragging myself out of bed, barely able to open my eyes. I had no motivation to do anything It went on for about 4 or 5 months. During that time, I realised that I didn''t want to be messing around with this other man, I didn''t want to destroy my family. I didn''t want to be hurting or angry with my husband anymore. My husband had become so sensitive to my depression and really started to support me through it. He really showed me how much he did love me during that time by just being so amazing toward me. I felt like such a cheat and a piece of dirt for what I had done. I felt so broken and lost and like such a piece of garbage. I decided I wanted to be the best wife my husband could ever have asked for and started making a lot of effort to deal with the anger toward him, but my depression still prevailed. Then I decided enough was enough, I went and told my then NEW doctor and he put me onto a 10mg of another type of anti-depressant which I haven''t had any side effects from. It does help me a lot, I am a lot moer motivated, my hubby and I are in a really good place now. I feel like I have fallen in love with him again and can really see how much he loves me now. Through all that hardship we found each other again. Which is great, but like today, the end of my menstrual cycle I am so down in the dumps and depressed and sad and tired and hopeless. I feel just awful. I have also found that ever since I stopped my first antidepressant I have just started eating and eating and eating and to date I have gained about 15kg or 16kg and still I just can''t get myself to stop eating. I even had 2 chocolates today in the hope that it would lift my mood, but it didn''t really help. I feel like I am a bottomless pit and I think I comfort eat or stress eat or something. My son still wakes me a lot at night and then I eat more. I don''t know if I should ask for a higher dose of my anti-depressant or what I should do because over-all life is good and I have no reason to be depressed. THere are a few obstacles, but in life there will always be obstacles and things to tackle, but the way I feel today, I don''t feel I could tackle anything, I feel so over whelmed :( HELP! PLEASE!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You have, obviously, been through a whole series of horrible experiences, with an intermittently emotionally abusive spouse, and its hardly surprising you've been depressed and sad. You deserved to be receiving treatment much earlier. I'm guessing your treatment has been from a GP. It would be adviseable, if this is possible via medical aid or through a medical school or major state/provinciasl hospital, to see a proper specialist psychiatrist, to sort out the best medicine for you, and to see if perhaps the best form of counselling, CBT, can be available for you, too.
There is probably also an element of PND, Post-Natal Depression, in your situation - still indicating a condition that can respond well to proper treatment.
PLEASE arange as soon as practical, to see a specialist psychiatrist, as mentioned above, and get fully assessed and discuss all treatment options. It should be practical for you to be feeling a great deal better than this before long.
Let us know on the forum how this goes.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: down:( | 2012/10/25

Got an appointment for tomorrow morning :) medical aid will cover a few appointments, the rest hubby said he''ll cover. R510 an hour is pretty costly, but it must be done. Hold thumbs for me and I will let you know how it went.

Reply to down:(
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/24

You have, obviously, been through a whole series of horrible experiences, with an intermittently emotionally abusive spouse, and its hardly surprising you've been depressed and sad. You deserved to be receiving treatment much earlier. I'm guessing your treatment has been from a GP. It would be adviseable, if this is possible via medical aid or through a medical school or major state/provinciasl hospital, to see a proper specialist psychiatrist, to sort out the best medicine for you, and to see if perhaps the best form of counselling, CBT, can be available for you, too.
There is probably also an element of PND, Post-Natal Depression, in your situation - still indicating a condition that can respond well to proper treatment.
PLEASE arange as soon as practical, to see a specialist psychiatrist, as mentioned above, and get fully assessed and discuss all treatment options. It should be practical for you to be feeling a great deal better than this before long.
Let us know on the forum how this goes.

Reply to cybershrink

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