Posted by: Minty | 2009-07-09


For some time now I have just been feeling really out of sorts. After a few failed fertility treatments, I started to feel really depressed. Work has also been stressful &  I have just felt myself feeling even more sad. I am exhausted all the time &  wish I didn' t have to wake up in the morning. I have also been less attentive to my child. I have also been forgetful, moody &  can burst into tears at anytime. I don' t even feel like doing housework anymore. I used to do things like ironong every evening once my child has gone to bed, or wake up early on a Saturday to get the housework &  washing done, but I just don' t do that anymore. The thought of doing housework at 9pm or waking up on Saturday &  Sunday at 6am to do housework doesn' t appeal to me anymore. I have never felt like this ever before. In the past month I have just felt that I am not coping with things.

I visited my GP this week. She put me on Cipralex. I feel even more tired &  sleepy when I take it. But the other thing that my GP said is that I should stop being so lazy. She said that even though I have a tough job &  get home later than my hubby does, I am must always put on a smile. I shouldn' t even think of resting when I get home. I must be the dutiful wife, kiss my hubby, tell him I love him, &  get straight to the kitchen to cook dinner. She said put myself last always. Men need special attention. It' s not about me. I have a husband and child &  there shouldn' t be any ' me'  time.

She made me feel very very lazy. I even feel guilty for taking my 15 minute breaks when I get home. I usually get home &  just sit in the lounge for 15mins to relax before getting dinner ready. I feel even more hopeless &  useless than before I went to see the doc. I feel as if I am just failing as a women altogether.

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Our expert says:
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OK, this does indeed sound like a Depression which should respond well to the right treatment. Your GP seems to have given you truly bizarre advice, based on a warped old-fashioned view of women as a subordinate species, and which should be disregarded. Rather arrange to be referred to see a competent psychiatric specialist, for a proper assessment and advice based on genuine expertise.
Men do NOT need special attention --- at least not any more special than the attention women need. What about his need to be a dutiful husband ? As you both work, he should be sharing in the chores. It IS about you, as well as them, and you MUST have som "me" time. You are not lazy --- your GP happens to have peculiar views about marriage, and has no right to try to impose them upon you. You are very far from useless, and deserve proper care --- your GP failed as a counsellor, far more than you have ever failed as a woman. PLEASE see someone with less neanderthal views about women, and get help for your depression. You could be feeling greatly better than this, for your own sake, as well as that of others.

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