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Question
Posted by: Husband | 2011/01/06

Depressed wife puts sister before husband

Dear Doc
My wife was diagnosed and hospitalized with clinical post natal depression last year and symptoms included seeing things (signs) that are not there and accusing me of having an affair with hers father’ s girlfriend. My wife is receiving treatment (medication and joint counseling) and I try to remain supportive, but my wife’ s sister severely interferes in our relationship, including:
1. Saying to me in front of my wife that she wished the affair accusations were true so her father would be rid of his girlfriend (she is unmarried at nearly 40 years of age and lives in her father’ s house).
2. Saying to my wife in front me to leave me for someone who will take her to church.
3. Opening and marking items on my bank statements.
4. Spreading malicious stories about me to family members.
5. Inviting my wife to her birthday and saying I’ m not welcome.
The problem is that my wife does not stand up for me against this and insists on inviting her sister to our family functions like our son’ s nursery school concert and birthday party despite the hurt it causes me and if I argue she swears me in the presence of our son and says I’ m not welcome, but her sister is.
This has caused a lot of aggression from my side, which we have discussed with our counselor, where my wife agrees to support me above her sister, but then the next week the same thing. In fact my wife spent Christmas Eve and Day with her mom and sister and left me at home alone.
My hurt and aggression are building up and I do not know where to turn anymore… 

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Your wife's sister sounds more than usually interfering and downright stupid in the comments you quote. Apart from it being unhelpful for her to say such things in front of your wife, in what twisted way could she imagine that if you had actually had an affair with her father's girlfriend it would help her ? She sounds a highly unpleasant, selfish person keen to make trouble for others if she thinks it may benefit her in any way. How does she get her hands on your bank statements ? It sounds like it would be useful to discuss this with your wife and agree to exclude her from your lives, as it appears she brings nothing but conflict and misery to others. No wonder she's still living at home.
If your wife is insisting on giving preference to her malevolent sister over you and your children's needs, then she is partly causing her opwn problems. Have you discussed this with the shrink treating her, who may need to understand this aspect of what's going on ? Marrriage counselling sounds really needed, and maybe your counsellor who you refer to has to be kept fully informed and become more active.
Its nonsense for her to insist that its more important for her bitter sister to attend your child's birthday than you, the father, or to spend Christmas with the sister rather than with you. It may be useful to consult a lawyer, too


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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/06

Your wife's sister sounds more than usually interfering and downright stupid in the comments you quote. Apart from it being unhelpful for her to say such things in front of your wife, in what twisted way could she imagine that if you had actually had an affair with her father's girlfriend it would help her ? She sounds a highly unpleasant, selfish person keen to make trouble for others if she thinks it may benefit her in any way. How does she get her hands on your bank statements ? It sounds like it would be useful to discuss this with your wife and agree to exclude her from your lives, as it appears she brings nothing but conflict and misery to others. No wonder she's still living at home.
If your wife is insisting on giving preference to her malevolent sister over you and your children's needs, then she is partly causing her opwn problems. Have you discussed this with the shrink treating her, who may need to understand this aspect of what's going on ? Marrriage counselling sounds really needed, and maybe your counsellor who you refer to has to be kept fully informed and become more active.
Its nonsense for her to insist that its more important for her bitter sister to attend your child's birthday than you, the father, or to spend Christmas with the sister rather than with you. It may be useful to consult a lawyer, too


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