Our expert says:
From the complex nature of the diagnosis you mention, I am assuming you are being treated by a proper specialist psychiatrist, as this is far too complex a situation to be treated only by a GP.
I would ask about adding a psychologist to provide CBT ( COgnitive-Behaviour Therapy ) which helps you to learn to get out of the habits of negative thought and behaviours, and into the sort of patterns you clearly prefer and desire.
Happiness is hard to achieve as a primary target, but rather we achieve it as an agreeable by-product of gettingrid of depression and becoming involed in agreeable activities.
Hobbies should be seen as enjoyable in themselves, and not about success or failure - other people's opinions about your hobby-work are not really important. So don't give up before yopu start them because you won't succeed at some dramatic and inappropriate level.
Often people's creativity dries up when they get more busy in criticising themselves than in actually creating ; when they get so busy worrying about step one not being perfect, that they never let themselves reach step 3
I understand that you feel bad and guilty, but you really have no more reason to feel guilty than someone with appendicitis has a duty to blame themselves for having stomach-ache.
CBT will help you discover how effective, likeable and worthy you are, aspectsd of yourself you have temporarily lost sight of.
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