advertisement
Question
Posted by: XXX | 2012/02/23

Depressed whole life with no hobbies trying to change my life

Hi Doc

I feel kind of desperate here...I''ve been depressed my whole life and I''m 30yr old female...only been treated for about 2 years now..was diagnosed with medication resistant major depression, generelized anxiety and panic disorder and slight ocd...been on different meds every month for a year, Wellbutrin worked but gave me seizures as the treatment was also combined with Trepiline..Now I''m just on Trepiline which doesn''t make me feel fantastic but keeps me from losing my mind completely...Even though i was depressed, back in 2000 I at least had hobbies: sewing, drawing, composing music, self tought web developer...and somehow I had time to do it all and I didn''t have to force myself to do any of those things, just constantly had ideas and also a very good photographic memory so taught myself what I''ve been doing now for 10 years...2 years ago after fighting depression and terrible anxiety and panic attacks in silence, I had a nervous breakdown and that''s why started treatment... I remember my memory and loss of interest in those ''hobbies'' started happening around 2003...the breakdown, treatment and feeling of going insane just made 2 years a complete mess... Maybe you can help me or point me in the right direction as here''s my problem...I want to have a hobby or do something that makes me happy because otherwise life has no meaning to me but I can''t seem to bring myself to do anything as my memory is bad and i''m scared of failure..but I do wanna try it''s just it feels like I have to force myself to do anything..all I do is work, get home, sleep..and this is too depressing for me although many have lives like that and don''t complain... How would I go about finding happiness as I don''t know how and feel like I have a mental block? I don''t want to just exist but I don''t know how to live and feel very guilty and bad and down because of disappointing myself or simply being me as there is nothing I like about myself...I know there isn''t a simple answer for this but I jus need some form of starting point or guidance...being depressed and pessimistic most of the time made me forget what the feeling of happiness is...so please doc if you can perhaps give me some direction on how to deal with myself and live or resources or aaanything...

Thank you in advance

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

From the complex nature of the diagnosis you mention, I am assuming you are being treated by a proper specialist psychiatrist, as this is far too complex a situation to be treated only by a GP.
I would ask about adding a psychologist to provide CBT ( COgnitive-Behaviour Therapy ) which helps you to learn to get out of the habits of negative thought and behaviours, and into the sort of patterns you clearly prefer and desire.
Happiness is hard to achieve as a primary target, but rather we achieve it as an agreeable by-product of gettingrid of depression and becoming involed in agreeable activities.
Hobbies should be seen as enjoyable in themselves, and not about success or failure - other people's opinions about your hobby-work are not really important. So don't give up before yopu start them because you won't succeed at some dramatic and inappropriate level.
Often people's creativity dries up when they get more busy in criticising themselves than in actually creating ; when they get so busy worrying about step one not being perfect, that they never let themselves reach step 3
I understand that you feel bad and guilty, but you really have no more reason to feel guilty than someone with appendicitis has a duty to blame themselves for having stomach-ache.
CBT will help you discover how effective, likeable and worthy you are, aspectsd of yourself you have temporarily lost sight of.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Please count yr blessings | 2012/02/25

All u do is work, go home and sleep..........
l am unemployed and sleep on someones couch..how l wish l had yr problems?

Reply to Please count yr blessings
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/25

From the complex nature of the diagnosis you mention, I am assuming you are being treated by a proper specialist psychiatrist, as this is far too complex a situation to be treated only by a GP.
I would ask about adding a psychologist to provide CBT ( COgnitive-Behaviour Therapy ) which helps you to learn to get out of the habits of negative thought and behaviours, and into the sort of patterns you clearly prefer and desire.
Happiness is hard to achieve as a primary target, but rather we achieve it as an agreeable by-product of gettingrid of depression and becoming involed in agreeable activities.
Hobbies should be seen as enjoyable in themselves, and not about success or failure - other people's opinions about your hobby-work are not really important. So don't give up before yopu start them because you won't succeed at some dramatic and inappropriate level.
Often people's creativity dries up when they get more busy in criticising themselves than in actually creating ; when they get so busy worrying about step one not being perfect, that they never let themselves reach step 3
I understand that you feel bad and guilty, but you really have no more reason to feel guilty than someone with appendicitis has a duty to blame themselves for having stomach-ache.
CBT will help you discover how effective, likeable and worthy you are, aspectsd of yourself you have temporarily lost sight of.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Jade | 2012/02/24

I can sympathise with you XXX, I feel like I am going through a similar thing.

I used to have so many interests/hobbies growing up, attended painting classes, photography/photo editing, used to love drawing too. I know it might seem strange but I used to really enjoy creating custom clothing for the game The Sims 2 and I would share it with the online community who really seemed to like it, I even had my own little website for it at one point.
I was not really ''gifted'' in any of these things but I think that''s what made it enjoyable, actually seeing that you are getting beter at it.

I used to spend hours messing around with the little details on a drawing and it was so nice to add it to my folder aftwards and compare it to earlier ones I made, but I just cant get into ANYTHING anymore, it feels like the effort required just breaks my spirit. My mind just wanders and I can''t give my full attention to a specific task or actually manage to complete it. I just feel so ''meh'' about whatever I was trying to do.

Hoping CS can give us some advice to get out of this rut because I have reached the point where I kind of feel like I have lost who I am or any sense of identity. ( not sure if that would make sense to anyone)

Reply to Jade

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement