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Question
Posted by: Chantal2 @ CyberShrink | 2011/01/10

Depressed, Dont Understand

His parents have always been that way even before her illness, always want to be in control. I think it could be the fact that when he was in that terrible relationship, my finace''s parents had to look after both of them, including the child because my fiance was very young. Maybe they so use to it that its become a habit...although I do not show signs of me needing to be looked after, I feel they take control over my fiance and his son as well as his home....I do not believe that will change once we get married, I am independant and having someone that could possibly control my home or children one day scares me alot. I have a feeling she does not care about me and my fiance''s relationship. She said a while back that I would be marrying the family and not only her son...I do not want to be an addition to their family but rather start my own, I think if we tell his parents that, they wont take it very lightly, she will think I am taking her son away from her and I dont want her to feel that way, the strange part is that she does not get along with her mother -in-law...I do not know why. I hardly see my fiance''s father visiting his mother , so I cannot say that they experienced what I am with them. Maybe we should get another home, but I do not want to do that because I dont think its right to be controlled to a level where one has to move out of their own home. My intention is to have a normal relationships with them, be close to them but not let them control our lives...its just not what I want for myself.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Then her illness would worsen what was already a bad habit. Your comments on how they may have needed to step in, i the previous, bad relationship, make very good sense - and in addition, they may feel guilty for having allowed him to get involved in that one, while clearly too immature to handle it well, an thus they may also be acting out of guilt.
Maybe starting with some joint couples counselling for you and your fiancee would be wise, and then consider expanding this to a few family sessions involving the intrusive parents.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/10

Then her illness would worsen what was already a bad habit. Your comments on how they may have needed to step in, i the previous, bad relationship, make very good sense - and in addition, they may feel guilty for having allowed him to get involved in that one, while clearly too immature to handle it well, an thus they may also be acting out of guilt.
Maybe starting with some joint couples counselling for you and your fiancee would be wise, and then consider expanding this to a few family sessions involving the intrusive parents.

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