Our expert says:
Well, if suicide ( and potentially involving your daughter ? ) is at all on your mind, you really deserve to URGENTLY arrange to see a good psychiatrist for a thorough assessment and a discussion of treatment options. This is too serious to allow it to just drift on.
Dealing with one's own depression is hard, and helping a loved autistic child is hard, too. Some of us doctors are able to be consumed by the problems of others, but hesitate to face the real and deserving problems within our immediate own homes and families. ( as well as our own personal fears and wories ). On can even help other members of one's broader family, in some ways because they are not felt to be one's own fault. And the more one is not paying attention to the sadness and problems so close by, the more one doesn't want to notice it, as this would involve noticing a degree of neglect, and we do not want to see ourselves as ever neglectful.
Even with other members of the family, he can "be there" for them --- AS A DOCTOR --- not as a husband and father. Sadly, indeed, some docs can recognize the needs of everyone, and worry that their nearest and dearest might be "attention seeking ", when he is, indeed, attention-avoiding.
Don't immediately seek support and deeper understanding from him, if that is not something he is at present able to give. Arrange to see a proper psychiatrist and psychotherapist ( preferably of the effective and efficient Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy, CBT, form --- you deserve this and so does your daughter, who is well able to enjoy her life as it is, and should not be deprived of any of the joy she can and will find in it. But neither should you seek permanent and negative responses to a situation which is, even though it doesn't feel like it, temporary.
YOu know you are seriously Depressed, and you don't need him to make the diagnosis. Arrange to see the shrinks for yourself, and you will be able to move steadily towards a far more peaceful and enjoyable state of mind. He is no needed to validate the diagnosis nor the need for treatment.
Once you are well, and this will indeed take months of good hard work, you can then consider with your therapist ways to consider helping him to unlock his reserve and reach those nearest to him. He may feel ( inaccurately, but doctors are prone to this ) somehow at fault that there are any problems for you and your daughter, and wants not to attend to that uncomfortable fact.
Check out, also, with Lifeline when you feel especially bad and need someone to talk with ; and also the Anxiety/Depression Support Group ( both numbers are on this page ). They might also know of some support group for parents of autistic children which would be helpful. And if there isn't one, don't start just yet, but once you are better, maybe you could start one.
Please keep in contact with us here on the forum, and let us know how things are going. We look forward also to eharing of your eventual progress.
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