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Question
Posted by: Lerato | 2008/08/13

Depressed and suicidal after abortion

Hi, I am a 20 year old lady who is not employed but I am completing my 3rd year of my my degree at University.
I recently went through a very traumatic episode when I found out that I was 2 mnnths pregnant,my boyfriend and I decided on abortion as my parents would be so disappointed in me if I was to bring those news to them. Also because all my sisters (I have 4) had all had babies and ended up still living at home with no jobs and relying on my parents to maintain them.
So I decided not go through that stress,also because I come from a very traditional family and my boyfriend had met and talked to my mother accusing me of having multiple partners when I wanted to break up with him because he was physically and emotionally abusive.
Now I find myself crying all the time when I am alone, seeing the image of the unborn child that I killed, and I hate my boyfriend but he has threatened to go to my mother and reveal everything to her if I dare to leave him,I am all alone in this , no one else but just the two of us know about it.
Although he has stopped his abuse since October last year and has been very supportive, I just want to die, I feel so TIRED of it all!

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Our expert says:
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YOu are a student --- go promptly to student health and arrange to see a psychiatrist / psychologist for a proper in-person assessment and treatment advice. ABortions should never be carried out without mandatory counselling for the m other, in my opinion. Such sad reactions, even depression, are not uncommon, and deserve proper attention and care. It is especially shameful to your bf that he is blackmailing you to force you to stay with him, by threatening to make trouble with your mom.
As others suggest, it may well be worth discussing this calmly with your mother --- you know her, and we don;t, so you can assess this option carefully.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lerato | 2008/08/20

Thank you all for the replies and advice, I really appreciate it and I feel better about, I' ve got my life back in control and taking better care of myself now!

Reply to Lerato
Posted by: H25 | 2008/08/13

Sit down an talk to your mom - just the two of you. If she really truly does love you as a daughter, she will listen to you and offer her advice and together you can both discuss ways of dealing with this. Your mom is the best person you could have right now for support and if this angers/upsets your boyfriend then he' s not worth carrying on being involved with. You really need to talk to her and soon.

Also just remember, NOBODY has the right to force you do something which you dont believe in, i.e. were you manipulated/threatened by your boyfriend into agreeing to the abortion?

All the best.

Reply to H25
Posted by: Maggie | 2008/08/13

Dont do it. I had a really good relationship with my mother, she passed away last year and she was my best friend, there is not one thing that she did not know about me, including things that she really didnt need to know, but now when i look at it i know she died knowing that we had no secrets. She was the first one that found out that i was pregnant, even before my boyfriend found out (he is my husband now) and i dont regret anything. One thing that you must remember that as long as there is no ring on your finger (and even when there is) he cannot manipulate you and order you around. Yes it is hard to deal with a broken relationship, I personally have had 2 very bad ones and it took a while to get myself back to normal but you know what i am stronger because of it. I am sorry you had to make the choice to have an abortion, i know it must have been something that ate at you and the choice was hard, but now that you have made it you cant beat yourself up about it. Dont let your boyfriend hold things over your head because he doesnt want your family to find out about it, that is just pure humilation and intimidation. I am not going to tell you what to do, I will just say what i would do and that would be to tell my mom, its obviously eating away at you

Reply to Maggie

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