Our expert says:
He's a cop from SA but working overseas ? I didn't know that happened. But he is abusive. Why you choose abusive men, as you seem to say that you do is an important question, worth exploring in therapy / counselling. Why you stay with this abusive man, especially if it is often a distance relationship, is beyond me.
FAr, far better to be alone than with an abuser - but talk with a group like POWA which helps and advises abused women, as support groups would help, and you need to be cautious about HOW you might leave a potentially violent abuser ( and some policement have a history of being threatening or violent, even shooting, partners who leave them ).
Get counselling yourself, to help you cope better and to safely leave a sterile and ugly relationship, and set yourself free to find a more wholsesome and happy relationship, such as you really deserve
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