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Question
Posted by: Emmie | 2010-01-20

Depressd - trapped

Hi Cybershrink

I feel so trapped and so depressed. I have lost everything. I live in a rented house with my mother who is toxic. She does not mean to be, she just is. And my ex who is un-employed and has nowhere to go. I have a good job but I am so irritable at work I will probably lose it. In debt. GP did blood tests and it revealed some scary stuff. I am not well. I wan to just get away and start over. I just want out. Its been like this for years. Everytime I pull myself it I get slammed down. I asked my mother not to let anyone into the house. She snapped at me saying how stupid do I think she is. Today she let in my landlord who did a full inspection and the house is in no condition for that. No, not damaged at all but we have boxes everywhere and after 5 years we had some minors to fix. My lease runs out in 2 months. Nowhere to go with my dependant mother like a noose around my neck. On credit bureau. No money for deposits. No family to help. Friends can' t help. I feel as if I could just get on a plane and never come back. Land where it lands and take it from there.Anti-depressants don' t help. Can' t eve afford counselling at Groote Schuur so don' t suggest it. The state places look at your payslips and thats all they see. Even if you are financially stuffed all they look at is your earnings so you are rich in their opinion I guess.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder whether there is some sort of state Social Worker who could look at your situation and recognizxe, for instance, that if your pay is partly spent on caring for your mother, your effective personal pay is less than stated.
Its hard to see how your ex should remain a problem for you. It's unfortunate if he is unemployed, but he really needs to care for himself, with the aid perhaps of his family, rather than being a burden on you.
And your mother may need a quiet talk to remind her that IF she chooses to live with you, and at your expense, she should be grateful and not grating.
You need to find some source of counselling and advice and support ( check SADAG, for instyamnce, nomner on this page ) and even Lifeline ( ditto ). Antidepressants, I agree, are usually not a solution in this sort of situation, where there are good reasons for feeling unhappy, rather than depressed.
I don't know what the physical illness(s) are you refer to in passing, but obviously they need to be taken into account.
I don't understand how the "state places" currently ases ones needs and ability to pay, but they HAVE to look at more than just a paycheck, and take into account other expenses like healthcare and dependents. If they make allowance for someone who has perhaps chosen to be a single mother, for the costs of caring for her children, they should also be sympathetic about someone who is looking after an elderly and needy relative.
Anyone else have some useful suggestions here ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-01-20

I wonder whether there is some sort of state Social Worker who could look at your situation and recognizxe, for instance, that if your pay is partly spent on caring for your mother, your effective personal pay is less than stated.
Its hard to see how your ex should remain a problem for you. It's unfortunate if he is unemployed, but he really needs to care for himself, with the aid perhaps of his family, rather than being a burden on you.
And your mother may need a quiet talk to remind her that IF she chooses to live with you, and at your expense, she should be grateful and not grating.
You need to find some source of counselling and advice and support ( check SADAG, for instyamnce, nomner on this page ) and even Lifeline ( ditto ). Antidepressants, I agree, are usually not a solution in this sort of situation, where there are good reasons for feeling unhappy, rather than depressed.
I don't know what the physical illness(s) are you refer to in passing, but obviously they need to be taken into account.
I don't understand how the "state places" currently ases ones needs and ability to pay, but they HAVE to look at more than just a paycheck, and take into account other expenses like healthcare and dependents. If they make allowance for someone who has perhaps chosen to be a single mother, for the costs of caring for her children, they should also be sympathetic about someone who is looking after an elderly and needy relative.
Anyone else have some useful suggestions here ?

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