Our expert says:
I find its often not clear to me how people differentiate between "marriage" and life elements traditionally associated with marriage - so you seem to say you have been prepared to move in with this guy, and have a child with him, and that he is loving, kindly, and everything else one would desire in a partner - but you balk at marriage. What's not clear is what "marriage" would change, what aspect of it some people in your situation find undesirable.
Is it only that your dad doesn't like him ? He suspects that the guy may be using you to get citizen ship ? ( After waiting three years, aren't there easier ways for him to achieve that ? ) You're right that in any culture, some men ( and some women ) won't easily acept that ANY other human is good enough to marry their child, even if they find other excuses for their objections.
Maybe your dad did a great job raising you on his own, but anyone who raises a child properly, in any culture, needs to recognize that the child must be allowed to grow up and make adult decisions for themselves. Its not right to expect you to live life only the way he thinks you should. Now it seems your dad is sulking, and trying not to recognize or accept the inevitable. I suspect that in the end his love for you, his desire to know and love the child, and his curiosity, may overcome his desire to control everything, and he may ffind a way to reconcile with you.
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