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Question
Posted by: Miserable | 2011-01-24

Deperessed?

Hi there,

I need to know if what I am going through is depression or just me going crazy.

6 months ago I lost my grandfather, whom I was very close to. I found his body and tried to give CPR but unfortunatley he was already gone and there was no way to bring him back (so the paramedics said). That completely killed me, having to see the man I so loved and respected dead, no life left inside of him. I then had to do all the funeral arrangements as my mom was in hospital having surgery and the rest of the family was bereaved and unable to help as some can''t drive, work etc. I was even at the crematorium to make certain that it was him in the casket and that he was wearing the clothees provided. The day my grandad died I feel a part of me died with him, it has to be the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with in my life. The problem is that I am depressed most of the time, am insecure about my relationship with my fiance which is a wonderful man and has stood by my side through thick and thin and have severe seperation anxiety. All I want is to be with my loved ones all day everyday. I feel so sad all the time and life just doesn''t seem the same. I have anxiety attacks and am always in a bad mood and snappy. What should I do??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not about going crazy.
Losing someone who you are dearly fond of MUST be upsetting and requires major re-adjustments and grief work. All the more so when you were more unsettingly involved, in finding him, trying to resuscitate him, and finding this to be impossible. Then to have all the burden of the arrangements, etc., fall on you as well. This is a typical basis for a difficult and complex bereavement and depression.
This sort of depression and anxiety is not surprising, and fortunately can respond really well to treatment. And one can understand that even though the rest of your loved ones are not actually more at risk than before, you feel as though they are, and as though you need to stick by them to try to protect them. And though clearly it was impossible for you or anyone else to have saved your grandfather, you probably feel guilty, as though there were, and you may well unfairly blame yourself about this.
The best would be for you to see a good local psychologist for a thorough assessment and advice. The clear psychological aspects of your situation need and will respond well to skilled psychotherapy. The psychologist will also be able to check whether in addition to this complex bereavement ( which in itself does not usually respond well to drugs ), there may also now be a degree of depression / anxiety, which might also benefit from the use of medications

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-01-24

Its not about going crazy.
Losing someone who you are dearly fond of MUST be upsetting and requires major re-adjustments and grief work. All the more so when you were more unsettingly involved, in finding him, trying to resuscitate him, and finding this to be impossible. Then to have all the burden of the arrangements, etc., fall on you as well. This is a typical basis for a difficult and complex bereavement and depression.
This sort of depression and anxiety is not surprising, and fortunately can respond really well to treatment. And one can understand that even though the rest of your loved ones are not actually more at risk than before, you feel as though they are, and as though you need to stick by them to try to protect them. And though clearly it was impossible for you or anyone else to have saved your grandfather, you probably feel guilty, as though there were, and you may well unfairly blame yourself about this.
The best would be for you to see a good local psychologist for a thorough assessment and advice. The clear psychological aspects of your situation need and will respond well to skilled psychotherapy. The psychologist will also be able to check whether in addition to this complex bereavement ( which in itself does not usually respond well to drugs ), there may also now be a degree of depression / anxiety, which might also benefit from the use of medications

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