advertisement
Question
Posted by: how do you help? | 2011/10/18

degree of depression

hi my husband recently started working at a sheriffs office which obviously entails him taking furniture etc. away from people who have defaulted on their account payments in some or other way. he has been there for 5 months and in the past 3 weeks have complained that he cant deal with this anymore. he had a serious car accident about 11 years ago and there was some minor damage to his right frontal lobe. since the accident he has had no real issues. it has now cropped up recently. my question is, do you really think it is the job his doing now or is he feeling guilty about something else? i have told on numerous occasions that these people he is taking property from would not be in that situation if they paid their dues, and he must not get emotionally involved. he sees this as me being unsupportive and not understanding. he also thinks i am not sympathetic enough towards these people - i dont know how to help him cope he is very difficult to live with at the moment and very short tempered and shouts and insults everyone in the family. any advice that i can practically apply to alleviate this problem? thank you

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Surely this type of job must be depressing and at least upsetting to any intelligent and normally sensitive person. I don't see why one would assume he needs to have anything else to feel guilty or disturbed about. He is dealing with people in unfortunate situations, some of whom have fallen into debt through no fault of their own, unexpectedly losing a job, for instance. They're not thieves or rapists. and even if what he is asked to do is legal, he knows it will hurt not only the debtor but their spouse and children, and he'd be a rather nasty character if he enjoyed his work.
Its easy and obvious to say that he shouldn't get emotionally involved, but its very understandable that he does. And that its not easy for a basicall nice person to become hard-hearted and callous just because it'd be more comfortable for him if he could do that.
Is there any medical aid asociated with his job ? IF so, especially, he should arrange to see a shrink or other counsellor, to assess how this stress is affecting him, and to discuss th best ways to help him deal with it. And meantime, be more understanding and sympathetic, encourage him to talk about his work, and agree that these are sad and difficult situations. You don't have to feel you're ebncouraging everyone in the country to go into debt by doing this - you;ll be supporting your husband and helping to share the burden he carries.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: how do i help | 2011/10/18

to cybershrink - thank you for your advice - obviously you will think that i am unsympathetic because you dont have the time to dig deeper and see where i am coming from. he has started seeing a shrink and will write a test on thursday to assess his degree of depression - it will be taken from there although he has already said that he will not take medication if prescribed - so i am hoping that talking alone will solve his problem and help him to cope better.
thank you for your time

Reply to how do i help
Posted by: how do i help | 2011/10/18

attention : Liza How about my children being affected by their father wanting to change jobs every 6 months for whatever reason? what about what my children have gone through that have been to 13 different schools in 13 years because their father cant cope with whatever job he is doing? maybe this seems to all that i am unsympathetic but this is the reality to me its just another excuse to pack up give up and move the kids once again. dont judge me when you dont know my life? the majority of the people that are visited by the sheriff is in that situation because of their own doing - that''s a fact - i listen to my husband''s concerns and worries etc. but life is just not perfect. you have to break it down in bite size pieces - everyone has problems somewhere along the line its how you cope that depends on how you will get out on the other side.

Reply to how do i help
Posted by: Liza | 2011/10/18

Personally I also think that you''re not being understanding enough. Have you ever though about how this could affect the children who''ve done nothing wrong - their parents just can''t manage their debt? How do you repossess e.g. a child''s bed with the child there? It''s also not always about repossessing stuff bought on credit. The sheriff can come and take everything to auction and repay unsecured debt. Would you be able to take a child''s toys and things and feel nothing? I know I wouldn''t be able to...

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/18

Surely this type of job must be depressing and at least upsetting to any intelligent and normally sensitive person. I don't see why one would assume he needs to have anything else to feel guilty or disturbed about. He is dealing with people in unfortunate situations, some of whom have fallen into debt through no fault of their own, unexpectedly losing a job, for instance. They're not thieves or rapists. and even if what he is asked to do is legal, he knows it will hurt not only the debtor but their spouse and children, and he'd be a rather nasty character if he enjoyed his work.
Its easy and obvious to say that he shouldn't get emotionally involved, but its very understandable that he does. And that its not easy for a basicall nice person to become hard-hearted and callous just because it'd be more comfortable for him if he could do that.
Is there any medical aid asociated with his job ? IF so, especially, he should arrange to see a shrink or other counsellor, to assess how this stress is affecting him, and to discuss th best ways to help him deal with it. And meantime, be more understanding and sympathetic, encourage him to talk about his work, and agree that these are sad and difficult situations. You don't have to feel you're ebncouraging everyone in the country to go into debt by doing this - you;ll be supporting your husband and helping to share the burden he carries.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement