advertisement
Question
Posted by: Going Crazy | 2010-02-11

decisions

Thanks Doc. The next time I speak to him, I will change my tune and tell him how really ill he is. Am going to read up on strokes.

Doc, I will try not to let it upset me. It just gets to me when he tells me that he always helps people out and no one has offered him help. When someone tells you this constantly, it makes you wonder if this is referring to you. My dad does see it as my responsibility to take care of them. I ' owe'  them. Thats what you have children for - take care of you. He has said it.

It' s my gran who has cancer, not mum. Doc I am not going to feel guilty for him, even if he is really penniless. I can' t be responsible for someone who makes bad financial decisions and doesn' t prioritise.

And to be honest, he was never a good dad. I don' t think a father who tells you that you are stupid and useless and won' t amt to anything almost everyday is a good dad. He refused to come to my uni graduation as he was ashamed of me. I have a social sciences degree. He still tells me I wasted my time studying what I did.

I am going to try to focus on myself. Thank you doc for bringing some clarity to all of this.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You don't need to emphasize that he is awfully ill, just nod and make sympathetic noises when he claims this, and sympathize with the specific problems he describes, and see if there's any clear way to help him deal with them. The more people tryn to insist that he's fine, the more he will feel he has to be sick and prove them wrong.
If one emphasizes how well he is coping and recovering, he may be encouraged to do just that.
He seems to view children less as adult individuals with their own rights and freedom, and more like insurance policies.
And though kids usually do want to help care for their parents, this isn't a license for the parents to be wantonly careles and expect you to indemnify them for their own errors.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Going Crazy | 2010-02-11

I just want to entertain him a bit doc. I want to see what he says when I say he is gravely ill. Maybe I will suggest we put him in a nursing home...

Reply to Going Crazy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-02-11

You don't need to emphasize that he is awfully ill, just nod and make sympathetic noises when he claims this, and sympathize with the specific problems he describes, and see if there's any clear way to help him deal with them. The more people tryn to insist that he's fine, the more he will feel he has to be sick and prove them wrong.
If one emphasizes how well he is coping and recovering, he may be encouraged to do just that.
He seems to view children less as adult individuals with their own rights and freedom, and more like insurance policies.
And though kids usually do want to help care for their parents, this isn't a license for the parents to be wantonly careles and expect you to indemnify them for their own errors.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement