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Question
Posted by: D | 2010/05/04

debate

My therapist has read the 10 page application as well as the lever arch file of e-mails (and has got to know me quite well) and she believes that he had very deep feelings. Whether they arose from his own neediness (past loss/vulnerabilities) or whether he was simply projectively identifying with my own feelings (she does not believe my feelings were a parental projection) is besides the point. The reason it is so NB to me is simple - I come from a background that has resulted in my not being able to trust my own feelings. I know what I felt (and I was not projecting his feelings - I guess the SASOP outcome verifies that) yet I won''t trust it - I felt loved. The moment I don''t trust my own feelings I fall into the habit of intellectualising which only further alienates me from my feelings (I totally agree with you that he was very at fault for inadvertantly encouraginging the defence mechanism by joining in - I suspect it was a more comfortable place for him as well). The sad part is I have an uncanny intuition (which he was at pains to point out) yet I won''t use it to my advantage (by trusting it)- I only use it to other people''s advantage - to change and adapt to their needs. When I angrily (very insincerely as I wanted him to have them) confronted him for having physical feelings in the end, he denied them. Suddenly I sit with not knowing whether I saw anything correctly - my self-belief was fundamentally damaged. So I don''t know whether it is even that NB to believe that I was correct in seeing love - at the very least I needed to know whether I saw the physical feelings correctly - the e-mails would seem to suggest that. The agony in not being able to trust yourself/in not feeling real - is unbearable.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm really not sure how useful it is for our regular readers for me to continue any form of debate with you on this topic, and of course your new therapist, sadly apparently also a keen analyst, will of course assess the situation in great detail and make up her own mind.
I think you illustrate convincingly some of the reasons I believe psychoanalysis is not only unscientific, and obsolete, but potentially damaging in more ways than one. However, with your love of verbalizations and debate, you will probably continue to be enthralled with the process, even though the problems you began with could probably have been resolved within months by a therapist using proven modern methods.
Navel-gazing tends to be a protracted and fruitless exercise, but that doesn't stop many people from enthusiastically engaging in it. YOu seem to have chosen to re-enter the same sort of knot within which you found these new problems originally. And clearly you really feel the need to see him as sincere and authentic, and to avoid any suspicion that the process might have been exploitative or otherwise wrong.
With an unhelpful habi of intellectualizing, you would most probably benefit far more from treatment methods that did not further encourage this essentially sterile process.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Too much time on your hands | 2010/05/05

Jeeze Louise, you have too much time on your hands, you think to much and dont focus on just BEING...try just BEING in the moment and stop all of this anal rubbish.

Reply to Too much time on your hands
Posted by: D | 2010/05/04

For someone who does not believe in analysis, you have been quick to join in the debate. My current therapist is definitely not an analyst but neither is she a CBT. I need more than just plugs and bandaid, the wound is somewhat deeper than that. She is simply a very real, authentic object relations therapist who insists that I talk in feelings and not intellectualisations. Nevertheless the intellectual side of me is part of who I am and this space has been an outlet for me. Please don''t think that because I believe his feelings were authentic, I do not hold him 100% accountable. I will repeat that I am not an advocate of psychoanalysis but I feel that my scenario speaks more to the fallibility of a human therapist than any methodology that he might employ. But you are spot on, to continue would be fruitless and would merely encourage a bad habit. Thank you for your time.

Reply to D
Posted by: D | 2010/05/04

For someone who does not believe in analysis, you have been quick to join in the debate. My current therapist is definitely not an analyst but neither is she a CBT. I need more than just plugs and bandaid, the wound is somewhat deeper than that. She is simply a very real, authentic object relations therapist who insists that I talk in feelings and not intellectualisations. Nevertheless the intellectual side of me is part of who I am and this space has been an outlet for me. Please don''t think that because I believe his feelings were authentic, I do not hold him 100% accountable. I will repeat that I am not an advocate of psychoanalysis but I feel that my scenario speaks more to the fallibility of a human therapist than any methodology that he might employ. But you are spot on, to continue would be fruitless and would merely encourage a bad habit. Thank you for your time.

Reply to D
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/04

I'm really not sure how useful it is for our regular readers for me to continue any form of debate with you on this topic, and of course your new therapist, sadly apparently also a keen analyst, will of course assess the situation in great detail and make up her own mind.
I think you illustrate convincingly some of the reasons I believe psychoanalysis is not only unscientific, and obsolete, but potentially damaging in more ways than one. However, with your love of verbalizations and debate, you will probably continue to be enthralled with the process, even though the problems you began with could probably have been resolved within months by a therapist using proven modern methods.
Navel-gazing tends to be a protracted and fruitless exercise, but that doesn't stop many people from enthusiastically engaging in it. YOu seem to have chosen to re-enter the same sort of knot within which you found these new problems originally. And clearly you really feel the need to see him as sincere and authentic, and to avoid any suspicion that the process might have been exploitative or otherwise wrong.
With an unhelpful habi of intellectualizing, you would most probably benefit far more from treatment methods that did not further encourage this essentially sterile process.

Reply to cybershrink

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