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Question
Posted by: Wonder | 2012-05-24

Death

Hi Professor Simpson

Some background…  at the age of 13, I lost my Mother in a car accident. (Worst day in my life) I have accepted it and dealt with it through counselling and all of that. Its been 12 years now and I still miss her now more than ever, due to being a grown up and really understanding what significant role they actually play.

I have now found out my Grandmother is diagnosed with blood cancer it’ s all over her body she''s still doing very well and not extremely sick, I know however those days will come. Can you provide tips or advise on how to deal with it. first I kept my distance because it hurt so badly to know what’ s going on (im one of the few people who knows, she doesn’ t want to tell the rest of the family for she still has a daughter who is in high school standard 9. She said she just want to live her life as normal as possible, she doesn’ t want us to stress or tell her what to do or not to do. (I’ ve decided to respect her wishes) It’ s hard for me because she is like my second mother that I now have to give up. I know she’ s lived her life (she 60 years’  old and bared 7 children) but that’ s still young to me.

Please advise if possible. Its not getting me down now but I’ d like to be prepared for when it happens because I don’ t know how strong ill be that day (wont harm myself) but not sure how it will effect me long term? I am a sensor, very emotional and a passionate person things like this get me down.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're right, to start with - surely we need to respect the wishes of the person who is ill. Secondly, and you should get her consent for this, you should check with her specialist to be sure what you are dealing with - how serious the illness, and what can be expected from it. Some of these illnesses last a surprisingly long time, some cause an early end, and it would be easier for both of you to plan and cope when you know exactly what you're dealing with.
Casey's response makes sense. Such losses are never easy to bear, but we do bear them, as we must. How you will need to respond will depend on her condition and what she needs and wants. Take it day by day, and maybe aim mainly at enjoying your time together as much as you both can, as it can be too easy to become so wrapped up in mourning before its time, thus neglecting all the good thinks you can do together during life.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-05-26

You're right, to start with - surely we need to respect the wishes of the person who is ill. Secondly, and you should get her consent for this, you should check with her specialist to be sure what you are dealing with - how serious the illness, and what can be expected from it. Some of these illnesses last a surprisingly long time, some cause an early end, and it would be easier for both of you to plan and cope when you know exactly what you're dealing with.
Casey's response makes sense. Such losses are never easy to bear, but we do bear them, as we must. How you will need to respond will depend on her condition and what she needs and wants. Take it day by day, and maybe aim mainly at enjoying your time together as much as you both can, as it can be too easy to become so wrapped up in mourning before its time, thus neglecting all the good thinks you can do together during life.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Casey | 2012-05-25

My advise to you, just let her be and take every day as it comes, some days will be harder than others, some days you will accept what is happening, some days you won''t, you will cry and and feel the pain as a physical pain in your chest, you will question God, you will ask " why"  a thousand times and never get the answer you need and want, the answer that will quieten your heart and the hurt and pain you feel. Love her and be there for her, spend as much time as you can with her, tell her it will be alright and not to be afraid, let her cry when she needs too, let her accept her approaching death and hold her and just love her, right any wrongs you may have with with her, tell her you love her as many times as you want to, just hold her with all your heart.
Yes, I lost my Mom, far too soon.

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