Our expert says:
Always the curve-ball, right ? Where a death like your fathers happens in another country, unexpectedly, and without your involvement in the final illness ( and maybe when you haven't been close to the person for some time ) it is hard to experience it as entirely Real. Even when it has happened in front of you it can be hard to accept the unacceptable facts.
Judging by your comments, maybe he himself did not want to face the unpleasant facts of his illness. By allowing him to keep the illness and risk all a bit unreal in his relationship with you, maybe that was comforting for him ? And you do indeed have good memories of him as a well and loving man.
With only that little box of ashes, yes, it is hard to envisage the big man shrunk to that. But there's something very democratic about cremation - we all shrink to a much smaller package than might be expected.
Aspects of unreality, such as expecting a phone call, are common experiences - like glimpsing someone, in a crowd, who looks like him.
I don't understand your step-mom being coy about the death certificate. A death certificate is a publ;ic document, on public record, and through the right channels, anobody can get a copy. I don't know the current British system, but it may even be checkable online.
In order to avoid cover-ups for foul play, there are special precautions before someone is allowed to be cremated.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.