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Question
Posted by: Am i the only one? | 2010/06/21

Dear Doc

In which catagory do i fit in? I hate surprises..I hate private calls or numbers i dont have stored on my phone so i dont answer, i hate unsuspected visitors and i dont like being centre of attraction like people making fuss over my birthday or sumthing i''ve achieved i hate the attraction, all these things said, i''m such a loving wife to my man and loves when he sometimes suprises me with little " gestures" , cos he knows me and knows i dont like jewelery and eating out or goint out to watch movies and stuff, but rather at home, though i love being around ''my friends"  joking and laughing and partying every once in a while. i feel like i''m such a weird confused and complicated human being. I''m contend with my life, my hubby and my kids. I dont demand, dont expect much, thats why i feel i''m satisfied and thankful for what i''ve got ,but why do i sometimes feel like i''m so much different and weird when i listen to my girlfriends talkin bout their everyday life husbands,work,kids family? am i just in denial or what cos these things doesn realy matter to me until its life or death?I love my alone time, just being with myself and my thoughts, just as much as i like " me and hubby"  time and " me and kiddies time" ,,but why do i feel like i''m ''weird"  or " not normal" ...what is normal? I''m 35, married for 10years....sorry doc i guess i''m jus little bit confused about myself.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think I happen to share many of the perfectly ordinary features you list. I loathe "surprise parties" and unplaned visitors, for instance. Little gestures from someone who cares about you and knows you well, are welcome and pleasant.
It's awkward, isn't it, when someone gives you something THEY would like, not having even thought that it might be no treat at all for you, and you don't want to simulate delight when you're so firmly NOT delighted ?
So, you're different from some of your friends ? Congratulations ! How dul life would be if some of us were not different from others ! You seem to be describing an actually enviable state of Contentment.
I like the point Maria makes about possibilities like Social Anxiety - where I'd make the distinction is this - if you just happen to not enjoy going out and being with crowds, that's a perference, like not liking pizza. If you CAN'T go out because it makes you feel very anxious and uncomfortable, that might be Social Anxiety and would respond to assistance

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2010/06/22

Sounds like the ideal of married bliss. Even though the divorce rate is so high, there ARE still people who remain wedded for life. So rather not start looking for problems, because if you start looking, you will eventually find something and probably blow it out of proportion.

I agree with Maria about the social anxiety. CBT would be very effective in handling any fears you have and make it easier to be around strange people when you need to.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Rick | 2010/06/22

You and hubby are happy the way you both are, what a pleasure to find that, you are not seeking thrills and momentary highs to make up for any lack in your marriage, which most couples do...ive been there before. There is nothing wrong at all with how you live yourlife, actually more people should focus on the basics liek you have. GOOD FOR YOU!

Reply to Rick
Posted by: Maria | 2010/06/22

People seek happiness in all the wrong places. If you''re happy and content within yourself then there is no need to question that. I do wonder though if you maybe suffer from social anxiety. A few sessions with a good psychologist can help you explore this possibility and deal with the fears you have.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: anon | 2010/06/22

no. i dont think you should start judging your life according to what''s going on outside your comfort zone.

treasure what you have and don''t allow other realities to second guess what you have and need. don''t let insecurity get the better of you, you don''t want to start believing other things when you are content.

celebrate your life, it sounds like you have something precious.

Reply to anon
Posted by: Am i the only 1 | 2010/06/22

Thanx 4ur replies Anon and Me..Though i dont like going out in public, me and hubby do go watch a movie or go out2dinner every once in a while, he''s also not an " outgoing person" , and we do meet each other halfway in everything,we really do have a good understanding.I know he''s happy cos he tells me and shows me everyday,and i make sure i meet his expectations(cos just like me, he doesnt have high expectations,which make it easy for us to keep each other happy,therfor we cant b that disappointed if sum things doesnt work out that well . That''s just what arises my question, is it realy realistic to b so contend in in todays life while my friends talk so bad bout their hubbies,kids work etc?Isnt being cheated on or being unhappy or having troubled kids part of a normal life? sumtyms i feel like this is too good to b true and that some day,unexpectdly my bubble will b burst and i will b left miserable, for now being contend(and i''m saying contend cos i dont believe anybody can b pure happy all the time)

Reply to Am i the only 1
Posted by: Me | 2010/06/22

I also agree with Anon. It''s wonderful to be in sync with yourself. You do need to know and love yourself before you can love someone else.
However....it must be difficult for your family having to fulfill your wishes all the time. " He knows that you don''t like eating out or going to movies" . Hopefully you somehow meet him halfway?
You say that you are satisfied. Does your husband feel the same way - you don''t say. The only time I would find things weird is if your family can never go out and have fun - with or without you.

Reply to Me
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/22

I think I happen to share many of the perfectly ordinary features you list. I loathe "surprise parties" and unplaned visitors, for instance. Little gestures from someone who cares about you and knows you well, are welcome and pleasant.
It's awkward, isn't it, when someone gives you something THEY would like, not having even thought that it might be no treat at all for you, and you don't want to simulate delight when you're so firmly NOT delighted ?
So, you're different from some of your friends ? Congratulations ! How dul life would be if some of us were not different from others ! You seem to be describing an actually enviable state of Contentment.
I like the point Maria makes about possibilities like Social Anxiety - where I'd make the distinction is this - if you just happen to not enjoy going out and being with crowds, that's a perference, like not liking pizza. If you CAN'T go out because it makes you feel very anxious and uncomfortable, that might be Social Anxiety and would respond to assistance

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: anon | 2010/06/21

i actually think you know yourself well, rather than being confused. i think you should be proud to know exactly what you like, need and want. i go through stages where i just accept invitations even if i dont really want to go, scared of missing out. that''s weird!

i admire the fact that you can describe yourself so well, these days i feel like i can''t remember how to be that person i used to love being, even if i really try to, it feels fake. well i guess that''s depression for you.

even if you are the only one with these likes/dislikes, (''am i the only one'') i think it''s great. you sound pretty ''normal(whatever normal may be for you)'' in your own situation, if that makes sense.

hey, even if you are weird compared to your friends'' everyday life from the way they describe it, who the hell cares, to you it''s normal and to me you sound pretty content in your own reality.
and that, my dear, is something a looooot of people would love to have.

Reply to anon

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