Posted by: anon | 2009-07-21

dealing with troubled rude teen

wrote recently about a distructive stepdaughter who has some psychological problems. thank you for your response. i was wondering if you could give some tips as to how to deal with her on a day to day basis. she is almost unbearable to be around and will not talk to us unless she has to. she will make comments during our normal conversations which are not directed at her e.g. i travel for work and made a general comment to my husband that it' s not the greatest perk everyone thiks it is. she then commented out loud to herself that ' some poeple dont even travel'  i dont respond because this will cause her to become rude and cause an issue. how does one live with a child who causes so much tension. i am literally anxious even when I think of her and her behaviour and attitude is beginning to consume me more and more even though I would love not to be bothered by her. i have tried everything in the past - speak to her, encourage her to talk of her problems, etc. but since we discovered this is a psychological problem and because she is consistently agressive, we have backed off. mostly I think my question to you is how I deal with it because it is beginning to affect my happiness and I have a very loving relationship with my husband I would not want to lose.

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Our expert says:
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She sounds imbittered and bad mannered, and her father needs to be more active in telling her that she has no grounds form being so grumpy and rude, and that she is expected to be at the least polite and cooperative with both of you. HE should be scolding her for her rudeness, and you shouldn't need to do so. Her snotty remarks are best ignored, as they sound as though they're designed tom upset and provoke you, and it will become boring for her if you don't rise to the bait.
Do not allow her to be so important to you. Her opinion of you is unreasonable and spiteful, and no really about you. The pair of you, acting together, should refer her to a child / adolescent psychologist for assessment and advice. If she is of legally adult age, and refuses such help, then she should be encouraged to leave home and look affter herself, and stop being so ungrateful

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