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Question
Posted by: R | 2012/10/15

Dealing with school all over again

Hi CS. You are well I''m sure.
I am 34 years old, finished school and went to Tech plus went on to study further through distance leanring. While I enjoyed the freedom and social life of being at Tech, I was very happy once my school career was over. I could not have been more relieved to move on, as throughout my schooling career I found myself facing horrible teachers, and being very bored in the classroom.
I now have a 5 yr old who is going to Gr 0 next year.
He is presently at pre-school and up until lately its been ok dealing with the teachers.
Now, after his reg at the same school for Gr 0, I was called in to discuss my child''s behavioural problems like not being in control of his emotions, getting easily frustrated and attacking others who provoke him. Whenever they have brought this to my attention, I have always disciplined my child at home, even though I don''t know what really happened. And it was explained he needs to follow the correct routes if someone irritates him, not hit out. This has actually been ongoing since a young age, and only happens at school.
I eventually took him to play therapy who found his behaviour to be age appropraite and due to conflicts in the values he is taught at home and school, and what other kids bring to school from their home.
Reporting back to the principal I found she was more attacking me than accepting there was nothing seriously wrong with my child, She made me feel as if she is doing me a favour by putting him through Gr 0 without me consulting an edu. psychologist. It is too expensive for me at the moment to do this and I explained to them. Going the play therapy route was on their advice, and they are not happy with this.
I have been very co-operative with them at school, giving them them the benefit of the doubt, and from the play therapists reports, its seems obvious there may be a weakness at the school in the way they deal with the issues explained.
I cannot understand the principals reaction, as it seems she would have preferred if it was found there were issues at home bothering my child. I always knew he is secure in the home environment.
My problem is now beginning once again in that I''m dreading dealing with school issues in future. I don''t want my child to be unhappy at school like I was, and I also want to be able to have a good relationship with the school teachers and principal to be able to stand up for when my child needs me to in that environment.
I am considering how to go about the next 17 years (also have a 10 month old) dealing with these people, without being negative and having any of it rub off on my child. School should be fun and great years and thats what I want for my chidlren.
It is now too late to look another school for him, but how will I deal with these people at any school my children attend.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Far too many people who work as teachers, are not very good at teaching, and yet love to dabble in VERY amateur psychology, making quack diagnoses and asking for quack therapies.
Some classrooms are indeed boring ; but smart kids soon realise that there is no benefit in acting our their boredom or frustration by behaving badly, especially not by attacking other kids. COntaining one's fristrations and not attacking others is a prime skill to learn, more important than almost anything else that actually does get taught at school.
The problem doesn't sound as though it lies in his educational abilities, so I wonder whether a child psychologist might be better for him in terms of assessment and treatment, than an educational psychologist ( who is better able to identify and deal with educational and intellectual problems ).
I udnerstand how discouraging you find all this, but dont fall into the trap of assuming that the next 17 years of schooling for the lad will be unremittantly full of conflict and misery. It surely won't
Maybe there are people in child psychology / psychiatry at your nearest medical school, or maybe your nearest major state / provincial hospital with psych staff, who might be able to help assess and advise here, without excessive charges outside of the means / income related charges usual at such places.
I agree utterly with Purple that in my experience, too many teachers who are not capable ( as they should be ) of dealing with any kid who is at all demanding or needs even a little more attention and skill, like to pathologise the situation, and label the kid as needing treatment. And too many refer the child to OT, which is usually useless in such situations.
And good point; let's survive gr 0, and see if either an alternative school can become avaialble for the next grade, or even if there's a better teacher for that group, in this same school

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: R | 2012/10/15

Hey Purple, I''ve decided to see how it goes in Gr0 as I''ve already registered him, but to look at the alernatives for Gr1. I have looked at other schools but everyone is closed for registration now.
I want to see if they are maintaining the thread in Gr 0.

Reply to R
Posted by: Purple | 2012/10/15

Have you considered finding another school for your child - it can be tough finding one for grade 1 at this late stage, but if you look around and put him on waiting lists you may just be lucky.

I" ve found that schools like to label normal behaviour as a problem when the teachers are not that good - so its the inferior teachears who wan''t everyone rushed off to OT and so on.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/15

Far too many people who work as teachers, are not very good at teaching, and yet love to dabble in VERY amateur psychology, making quack diagnoses and asking for quack therapies.
Some classrooms are indeed boring ; but smart kids soon realise that there is no benefit in acting our their boredom or frustration by behaving badly, especially not by attacking other kids. COntaining one's fristrations and not attacking others is a prime skill to learn, more important than almost anything else that actually does get taught at school.
The problem doesn't sound as though it lies in his educational abilities, so I wonder whether a child psychologist might be better for him in terms of assessment and treatment, than an educational psychologist ( who is better able to identify and deal with educational and intellectual problems ).
I udnerstand how discouraging you find all this, but dont fall into the trap of assuming that the next 17 years of schooling for the lad will be unremittantly full of conflict and misery. It surely won't
Maybe there are people in child psychology / psychiatry at your nearest medical school, or maybe your nearest major state / provincial hospital with psych staff, who might be able to help assess and advise here, without excessive charges outside of the means / income related charges usual at such places.
I agree utterly with Purple that in my experience, too many teachers who are not capable ( as they should be ) of dealing with any kid who is at all demanding or needs even a little more attention and skill, like to pathologise the situation, and label the kid as needing treatment. And too many refer the child to OT, which is usually useless in such situations.
And good point; let's survive gr 0, and see if either an alternative school can become avaialble for the next grade, or even if there's a better teacher for that group, in this same school

Reply to cybershrink

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