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Question
Posted by: Laura | 2010/10/27

Dealing with resentful colleagues

How do you deal with colleagues who get resentful when you get a promotion or something good happens to you? There are a few people at my work who, as soon as anyone does well for themselves, get resentful and make comments - it is so annoying. Can''t they just be happy for you? These same people also tend to go ''skinnering'' to everyone else about you &  how unfair it is, and why they never get anywhere.
And believe me, I am not the type of person who brags about stuff - in fact I play it down because I hate their bitter responses!

How do you respond to their comments (I''d love to just ignore &  walk off, but must give some response).

Love to hear everyone''s answers on this one!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There are loads of such people, who may be colleagues or even relatives. These folks usually can't be happy even for themselves, let alone for anyone else. Of course there are excellent reasons why they dotn't get anywhere at work, but they prefer to convince themselves its all due to awful other people doing awful things, than face their own inadequacies.
And you don't need to respond to their ignorant comments at all. If it keeps more of the peace and limits their tendency to skinner about you, try non-committal ambuguous mouth noises rather than explicit comments.
A friend who is a Jungian Analyst, could suggest and imply more different possible meanings to the comment : "Really ?" than anyone else I've known. Really.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Laura | 2010/10/28

Thanks guys and CS. I''m definitely going to try your suggestions. Really!

Reply to Laura
Posted by: just a thought | 2010/10/27

the higher u climb up the corporate ladder the worse this will get - to be honest purple has exactly the right attitude and probably has a very succesful career if her attitude is anything to go by,........read and learn - high fliers generally have great confidence in themselves because of their self belief and excellent core values

Reply to just a thought
Posted by: Purple | 2010/10/27

Something I was told by my boss after my very first promotion was to expect this kind of behaviour and remember that no matter what you do in life, someone is going to disagree with it and talk about it. Get promoted and you are aggressive and overly ambitions and should have waited at least ten years. Don''t apply for promotions and you are lazy and need to take your career into your own hands.

There is no point in answering these people, that is precisely what gives them satisfaction.

Always make sure that the way you behave is in line with your own values and leaves you feeling good (and when it does''t, be quick to give a sincere apology) and then when people talk about you, others won''t believe them because your behaviour just keeps on making them look foolish and like they are lying.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/27

There are loads of such people, who may be colleagues or even relatives. These folks usually can't be happy even for themselves, let alone for anyone else. Of course there are excellent reasons why they dotn't get anywhere at work, but they prefer to convince themselves its all due to awful other people doing awful things, than face their own inadequacies.
And you don't need to respond to their ignorant comments at all. If it keeps more of the peace and limits their tendency to skinner about you, try non-committal ambuguous mouth noises rather than explicit comments.
A friend who is a Jungian Analyst, could suggest and imply more different possible meanings to the comment : "Really ?" than anyone else I've known. Really.

Reply to cybershrink

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