Posted by: anon | 2012-11-12

dealing with a crazy ex

Sorry for the long piece, Please advise me on how to go about getting rid of a crazy ex. We have not been together for over two years. I tried to be civil after the break up, an maintained minimal communication about general stuff, it was a big mistake. It seems she mistook it for that i still wanted her, and also allowed her some info about my wife, who i started dating after her so I had to avoid her, and have not spoken to her for over a year. I have even gotten married during that time. To cut the long story short, i get a text message the other night, someone saying she misses s?x, and has not had it for a while. My immediate reaction was to reply and say wrong number, then the person says its not a wrong number, then goes overboard on the reply, expressing herself, and that she knows me. I politely told her that i am married now, and i love my wife, and that i did not care who she was, she should stay away from me. She replies and says she has evidence that my wife bewitched me, etc, and she will sort it out and get back with me, that is when i realise it is her. I ignored all correspondence afterwards, and blocked her number, but tht was after a series of messages, inclusive of mms downloaded from porn sites and details of what she is looking forward to once she gets me cleansed. Very graphic stuff. I have muted getting a restraining order, etc, but at the same time i feel sorry for her, i honestly did not know she could get that cooked upstairs, or maybe its the company she has been keeping in the last few years that i have not been close to her. I am just seeking advice on how to deal with her. I obviously do not want to engage her too much as i can see that a few replies that i sent gave her strength to push with the abuse. I have also considered abducting her , and dumping her at a mental institution for her own sake. Oh, and she says she hears il be at a mutual friend''s wedding, so she will be there with lots of surprises and kisses.....the horror.

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Our expert says:
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The mistake was replying to that message at all. Change your e-mail address, your cell number, and any other address by which she could contact you. Maybe one final message saying that any further communication from her will be given to your lawyers, and that you are considering getting a court restraining order forbidding her from contacting you at all, as a malicious stalker. And proceed to get a restraining order, as she sounds an unpleasantly disturbed and disturbing person.
Dont even imagine "abducting her" which would be highly illegal. If the police get involved ( mif she breaches the restraining order, for instance ) they will notice how odd she is, and they can get a doctor to section her for institutional assessment and treatment if necessary.
Get the restraining order before the wedding, if possible, and have the LAWYER or preferably the COurt inform her of this, including the information that she should not attend any wedding or function which you might attend, as she is not to come within a km or whatever of you.
"real man", unfortunately, sounds almost as disturbed as your ex. Sad.

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Our users say:
Posted by: B | 2012-11-12

Real men don''t sulk, you dumb moron. You watch out who you want to beat up one day. I''d shoot you on the spot if you tried it.

Reply to B
Posted by: Kelly | 2012-11-12

ROTFL! OMG Funny stuff, ''Real Man'' your an-|-lol!
Shame dude, I do not have any advice for you really but I do feel for you. I would go with the abduction plan though!
Or perhaps strt with an interdict against her?
OH YEAH! You have to tell you wife! Unless you want her finding out by finding the porn mms''s on your cell and her texts of how badly she wants you.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Liza | 2012-11-12

Sometimes the only way to get things across with some people, is to be brutal about it. It doesn''t help to feel sorry for her. She knows perfectly well that by making you feel sorry for her, she''ll continue being able to manipulate you into further contact with her.

For your safety and the safety of your wife, get a restraining order against her - never underestimate the danger of an obsessive stalker. And if she then continues contact, you MUST have her arrested for violating the restraining order. This is the ONLY way you''re going to get through to her. Don''t get a restraining order and then let her get away with contacting you - it''s only going to make her believe that the restraining order is there to keep your wife happy and not to keep her away.

Good Luck,

Reply to Liza
Posted by: qwerty | 2012-11-12

If she''s as unstable as she sounds, you should be very careful - she could pose a threat to you, and very likely to your wife as well. She could also be completely harmless, but she sounds dangerously obsessed.

My brother''s ex stalked and harassed him for a long time after they broke up, and when he couldn''t be goaded into responding to her, she started harassing myself and my mother and his friends as a way of getting to him. She only really stopped when she found someone new to obsess over... So unfortunately I don''t have any advice other than to be really careful!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: Real Men Dont Sulk | 2012-11-12

I get the feeling you are dealing with an x gay lover and you disguising. Beat him up these boys can be very obsessed.

Reply to Real Men Dont Sulk
Posted by: anon | 2012-11-12

Very thoughtful of you to assume i have not attempted to talk to her. As i mentioned, trying to engage her on the phone, degenerated into porn mmses of naked people in funny positions and that its what she wanted. Have you ever argued with a drunk person. You might find it gay, and call it sulking, but iIl wait to hear from you when you start dealing with somone who does not feel like they have anything to lose, and keeps going on and on at a tangent. Its difficult to deal with if its a woman, and you are married, and have a career, and a family to think about. If it was another man, the story would have been very different

Reply to anon
Posted by: real Man dont sulk | 2012-11-12

Dude for sometime I thot this is posted by a woman. Gee grow some balls and tell her. How can you post on so many forums, that is sooo gay. Get a life and man up. You are the reson women disrespect us. I will beat you up if i can meet you. Darn you make me angrier.

Reply to real Man dont sulk

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